I didn't wear any pants!

How is it Monday already?!  What a whirl wind of a week!!  I'm still not completely well.  I still have a lingering cough, but for the most part I'm feeling much better.  We've spent most of this past week outdoors.  It's been hot and sunny and really just perfect weather. 

I've mentioned before that I have a very active husband and for most of the past 11 years of marriage I have chosen not to be active with him.  I told myself that this year I was going to do everything he did.  If he goes hiking, I go hiking, if he goes to the beach to swim then......GASP......I will put on a swimming suit and go to the beach to swim.  The beach is the hardest for me.  I haven't worn just a swimming suit to the beach since I was in grade school.  I'd wear shorts over my suit to hide my thighs or a shirt to hide my tummy.  Anyway we went to the beach last weekend and as soon as we got our chairs and umbrella set up, I quickly took off my shirt and pants.  I stood there on the beach in nothing but my swimming suit and sunglasses.  I looked around to see if anyone was going blind from all my grossness.....but no one seemed to notice, let alone give two craps. 

As time went on that day I saw several people who were in much worse shape than I was....and they all ran around in their swimming suits without a care in the world.  A few even wore bikinis!!!!!   They didn't seem to care, so why do I?  The best part of the day was swimming with my kids.  They were tickled pink that I got in the water with them.  This is what life is all about!  Spending time with the ones you love, not sitting on the beach, wearing pants and stressing over how fat you are.  For some reason I've had it in my head that unless you are perfect at something, you don't even try it.  Ever since I was a small child, that's how I've felt about life. 

Long story short, I went to the beach several times this past week and each time I've taken off my shirt and pants and have tried my best to not let my fears and insecurities cloud my thinking.  I still hate how I look, but this is who I am today and I'm working on changing what I don't like.  So until I become a major babe, I'm going to strut my white flabby dimpled legs at the beach.  ;)

I did go to crossfit today.  Today was beyond hard.  I can tell that I don't have my full strength back from being so sick.  The smallest things just wear me out completely.  We started off with junkyard dog.  I was ready to quit after that.  Our skill set was 4 rounds of various kettle bell exercises.  Again, would've loved to have grabbed my keys and headed home afterwards.  Our WOD was 3 rounds of running 400 meters and 15 over head squats with a weighted bar.  I used a super light bar.  This was my first time doing over head squats, so the movement for me was more important than the weight. 

We stood up at the white board while Jonathan filled us in on what the WOD entailed.  He then told us that we were going to do a "warm up" run before we started the WOD.  What the heck?! Nononononono NO NO NOOOOOOOOO!!!  I wanted to cry.  Running is my enemy! So we all lined up outside and did our warm up 400 meter run.  Oh my goodness.  I was spent by the time I made it back inside.  I was the last one in, as usual. 

As they counted down the seconds until we started the WOD I just kept praying that I wouldn't get sick.  I was starting to already feel slightly nauseous.  I ran 400 meters the 1st round, then did 15 OHS (over head squats) and then Meagan and Jonathan both told me to just run 200 meters the last two rounds.  My 2nd round was painful.  I got the worst stitch in my side while running.  UGH!!  My 3rd round brought out the tears again.  My eyes started to water and I could feel a cry-a-thon start to build.  I bit the insides of my cheeks as hard as I could to stop myself from crying.  I finished my 3rd round in 11 min 38 seconds.  I believe I got the worst time and I was the only one (I believe) who modified the run.  So yeah....once again......I'm in dead last.  Oh well.  At least I showed up, I tried my best, and I did everything they asked me to do. 

My in-laws arrive tomorrow.  My anxiety is building with each approaching day.  I feel like I'm going to throw up just thinking about it.  I'm praying that God gives me peace of mind while they are here and that this would be an enjoyable visit unlike every other visit that's ever occurred thus far. 

Death by kettlebells

Today's WOD kicked my rear oh so bad.  We did a 9 minute warmup.  The goal was to use kettlebells constantly for 9 solid minutes...no stops or breaks.  I was wishing I'd grabbed a lighter bell within 60 seconds of the warmup.  My upper arms were on fire! 

Note: The gal is this picture is not me. 

For a skill set we did dead lifts.  Although I was able to deadlift 150 lbs last week, Derek had me keep the weight at 115lbs so I could concentrate on form.  I was hoping to see if I could of add more weight than last week, but alas I suppose form is far more important at this point.  Wrong form equals injuries and I definitely want to steer clear of those. 

Our WOD was 12 minutes AMRAP (as many rounds/reps as possible)

15 American kettlebell swings

12 hand release pushups

9 box jumps


It doesn't look hard.  It doesn't sound hard.  The first two rounds weren't hard.  Once I started my third round I wanted to die.  Dying would be less painful that what I was doing.  haha   I was able to just finish 6 rounds when the 12 minutes were up.  We had to write our scores on the board.  I didn't come in dead last, but I believe I was 2nd to last AND I did box step ups instead of jumps.  It's so hard to jump very high when you have lots of extra weight literally weighing you down.  Oh well.  Someday I'll get there, right?!

I've been slacking a bit with Paleo eating.  I haven't been totally off the wagon, but I definitely need to clean up my eating and get back on 100%.  I feel so much better when I do and my energy is through the roof. 

My inlaws are coming to visit in about 7 weeks.  I get so much anxiety when they visit.  I love my father in law dearly, but my mother in law is a monster.  She's so incredibly mean and rude.  She's loud, obnoxious and likes to cut me down.  She makes comments on my weight every year they visit.  She asked me a couple years ago if her son even loved me anymore because I'd gotten so fat.  Who does that?  I'm a quiet person by nature and hate to "rock the boat".  I've never really stood up for myself where she's concerned.  That crap isn't going to fly this year.  I feel strong mentally and I'm stronger physically.  I know I'm doing something good for my health and if she says anything, I'm going to put her in her place.  That being said.....I'm still feeling super anxious.