"to the pain"

Anyone know this quote?  "to the pain"   It's from my most favorite movie, The Princess Bride.

Humperdinck: First things first, to the death.

Westley: No. To the pain.

Humperdinck: I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase.

Westley: I'll explain, and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog-faced buffoon.

Humperdinck: That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me.

Westley: It won't be the last. "To the pain" means the first thing you lose will be your feet, below the ankles, then your hands at the wrists. Next, your nose.

Humperdinck: [losing his patience] And then my tongue, I suppose. I killed you too quickly the last time, a mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight.

Westley: I wasn't finished! The next thing you lose will be your left eye, followed by your right —

Humperdinck: [exasperated] And then my ears. I understand! Let's get on with it-

Westley: WRONG! Your ears you keep, and I'll tell you why: So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, "Dear God, what is that thing?" will echo in your perfect ears. That is what "to the pain" means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.

Today's workout was "to the pain".  Well...........it was close.  haha

Our warm up was getting into groups of 3 and while 1 person rows 250 meters, the other two are doing junkyard dog.  We each took a turn.  I must say, that was the fastest I've ever rowed in my life!  I was able to row at a pace of 1:51.....which is a far cry better that was I used to row which was 2:35. 

Our skill set was a killer!

4 rounds

10 left handed lateral kettlebell swings

10 right handed lateral kettlebell swings

10 left handed regular kb swings

10 right handed regular kb swings

10 kb power cleans (using two bells)

1 minute native squat while holding a kettle bell

FOUR FREAKING ROUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!   Sweat was pouring off my body.  There was a disgusting amount of sweat on the floor all around me.  Everything burned, my muscles were tapped out!

Our WOD was hard as well. 

10 manmakers (BARF BARF BARF these are so hard!)

20 pull ups ( I did ring rows)

800 meter run

20 pull ups

10 more manmakers

I ran 700 out of the 800 meters.  HUGE accomplishment for me!  Especially after how tired I was.  BUT I did it!!  I kept up with the group and finished the workout.  It feels amazing!  I did cry on the way home though.  I know I pushed myself to my very limit.  Those last few manmakers had me grunting and groaning.  It took every last bit of energy I had to get them done. 

I'm not sure what exercise I'm going to get in tomorrow, but it'll be something easy going and not too strenuous.  I hope Friday's WOD isn't as hard as today's was.  OY!

Epic Meltdown

Today's WOD was labeled "Turrible"....in dedication to Charles Barkley.  Anyhoo, today's workout was indeed terrible. 

It was a total of 9 rounds. 

First round was 9 sets of dumbbell thrusters, followed by lunges to the other end of the gym, then 9 box jumps, and lastly bear crawls back to the beginning. 

2nd round was 8 sets, and so on and so forth.  We got 20 minutes to try and complete all 9 rounds.  Derek told our group (I was bunched with the two pregnant women) to start at 7 sets and go down to 1.  After just the first couple of rounds my heart rate was sky high and I was finding it hard to catch my breath.  By the time I finished my 5th round Derek asked me if I was feeling ok and I told him I was.  I mean, I was exhausted, but all in all I was fine.  I got down to the last round and the 20 minute mark was fast approaching.  Meagan encouraged me to finish my bear crawl back to the beginning and I barely did it.  At this point, my emotions just took over and I sat on my knees and just lost it.  All the emotion from the last few days with my husband and the emotion from pushing myself past any limit I thought I had, just came pouring out of me. 

I was so angry with myself.  I HATE CRYING SO FLIPPING MUCH!  Derek and Meagan pulled me outside so I could calm down.  Derek thought I was crying because I pushed myself too far.  It took a few minutes of me just explaining that it wasn't that.  I was just proud of myself for doing something I've never ever ever done before!  When things get hard, my entire life I've always quit.  Literally every single time.  For the first time in 33 years, I'm pushing myself despite how hard it is and I'm not quitting.  That's extremely emotional for me.  The girl who used to turn to cake or pasta when life got hard is now turning to working out and eating right.  I finally convinced him and he went back inside.  Meagan asked me how everything else in my life was going and I lost it again.  I explain the situation with my husband and how I blame myself for his actions.  I blame my fatness on him doing what he does.  She was very understanding and gave me some great advice.  I can't thank her enough.  This journey I'm on is hard.  I can't put into words just how hard it is. 

I drove home and just sobbed the entire time.  Once those floodgates were opened, it's hard to pull it back together.  I'm exhausted physically and mentally today.  I'm thankful that tomorrow I get a bit of a break and will be running instead of going to crossfit. 

I will make this lifestyle change.  I will become an athlete.  I will succeed, I don't care how hard it is. 

Humiliated

This has been a very tough week.  Losing my grandmother and dealing with my weird flu like issues has taken it's toll on me emotionally.  I woke up last night to the worst stomach pain.  I just curled up in a ball and cried, it hurt so bad.  I wish I knew what was causing it.  I don't know if it's some weird stomach bug, or if there is something more serious going on. 

I woke up still feeling not quite "normal" but decided to head to CrossFit anyway.  After the warm up I could tell my endurance just wasn't there.  I had no more pep left.  I slowly made it through the skill set, trying to reserve as much energy as I had for the WOD.  We had three rounds 21, 15, 9 of dumbbell thrusters and 400 meters of either rowing or running. 

I grabbed the 15 lb dumbbells and did my 21 thrusters and realized that they were too heavy.  I could see all these small women using 25lbs and up, but unfortunately I'm just not there yet.  I set the dumbbells aside and climbed onto the rower.  I was able to bust out the 1st 400 meters without too much pain and found myself a lighter pair of dumbbells and did another 15 thrusters.  The second round of rowing was much harder.  I kept closing my eyes trying to focus on why I was there.  I thought about how I'm changing my life, and forcing myself to do something I've always wanted to do.  I was pouring sweat by the end of that round.  Round three, Megan found me and told me to do my last round of thrusters without taking any stops or breaks.  I was starting to get frustrated with myself because about half of the people in my class had already finished and were just standing around waiting for the rest of us.  I started to feel self conscious.  I finished my thrusters and reluctantly slinked over to the rower for one last 400 meter row.  About 100 meters in and everything in my brain told me to stop.  I was in too much pain, breathing was becoming difficult, my muscles couldn't pull anymore.............that's when Megan found me again.  She stood behind me and kept encouraging me to finish strong.  The last 50 meters I could feel the tears well up in my eyes and I tried to blink them back.  I finally finished my workout and I just sat on the rower, exhausted and I couldn't force back the tears any longer.  I just sat there and sobbed for a good two solid minutes.  So many emotions and thoughts were running through my head.  Why did I let myself get so out of shape, why couldn't I be better, or stronger, or anything other than what I was.  I felt so much self hate at that moment.  When I was finally able to stop the tears I turned around and realized the entire class was sitting there waiting for me to get off the effing rower so we could all do a cool down stretch together.

I could feel my face burn with humiliation.  Here I was on display for the class while I cried and they sat there waiting for me to finish.  Could I be any more of a freaking loser?!  I did my cool down stretches and bolted out of there.  I sat in my car and cried again.  I know I'm only in my 1st month at CrossFit but I'm so ready to be stronger.....mentally and physically. 

What I ate today:

Breakfast~bacon and eggs

post workout~small chocolate protein shake

Lunch~greek salad with chicken

Dinner~paleo chicken soup