Death Row

Today is my middle son's 8th birthday.  Hebron was born on Father's Day.  He asked me if we could stay home from crossfit today because it was his birthday.  Nice try, Son.  After I cool down from my workout and shower, I'll take him to 31 Flavors to get an ice cream cone. 

Today was a wamup, skill set, and WOD that all dealt with the arms and shoulders.  The WOD was a killer.  Literally I felt like death was creeping up on me while doing it.  I wanted to die.  The rowing machine looks so innocent.  Most of us have tried it a time or two in the gym.  It seems easy and it is if you're using it incorrectly.  We had to row 750 meters three times.  We timed ourselves and couldn't go below our first time by more than 3 seconds or we'd have to do 25 penalty burpees. 

If we rowed the first 750 meters in 3 minutes, then we'd double that time to rest.  So then we'd rest for 6 minutes.  Then we'd row again, rest again, and then row one last time. 

Our crossfit only has 8 rowers, and we had well over 20 people in today's class, so we had to alternate a bit.  I was in the last group to start and naturally was the last person to finish. 

Geoff told me that I needed to stay around 220 meters a minute.  He told me that I have strong legs and that it was an appropriate goal for me to strive for.  When I rowed Monday I had a super hard time staying under 230 meters a minute, and that was for 400 meters sprints.  ugh!!!!

I started and stayed at around 217 meters a minute.  My lungs burned, my shoulders were on fire, my legs were quivering, my stomach muscles were screaming at me.  My whole body felt like it was going to shut down.  I just closed my eyes and kept rowing, trying to keep a good stride and proper form.  I finished my 1st 750 meters in 3 minutes 34 seconds.   I had 7 minutes to rest. 

That 7 min. rest FLEW by!  My second 750 meters I was told to keep my speed at 215 meters a minute.  Basically meaning I needed to do this round slightly faster.  I wanted to scream, LOOK AT ME, I'M TOO FAT!  Instead I just closed my eyes and prayed that I wouldn't make a complete fool out of myself in front of the rest of the class. 

My second round I was able to shave 6 seconds off my time.  I clocked in at 3 minutes 28 seconds. 
I had another 7 min. rest and climbed back on the rower.  I knew I had to get my last round in at 3 min 37 seconds or faster....otherwise 25 burpees would need to be done. 

My stomach was not happy, I felt super sick, and my eyes were starting to tear up.  I told myself to KNOCK IT OFF, THERE IS NO CRYING IN CROSSFIT...YOU SIGNED UP FOR THIS, NOW BUCK UP AND GET THROUGH IT! 

I stopped twice during my 3rd round.  My lungs just didn't feel like they could keep up with my need for oxygen.  Megan and Geoff started yelling encouragement to me and I finished as strong as I could.  I used every last ounce of energy that I had.  I finished at exactly 3 min 34 seconds.....the same as my 1st round. 

Hurray!!  No burpees for this girl!!  I did it.  I finished it.  I pushed myself past any limit I thought I had.  I just sat on the machine for a minute and sucked in air as fast as I could.  I didn't care that I was last.  I was just happy I finished it. 

On a different note, I saw my grandfather on Saturday and he gave me a hug and told me that he could totally see me shrinking.  Yay!  It feels so good when others can visually see the hard work I've been putting in. 

Yesterday I went and donated plasma.  I've been donating on and off for a few years now.  I go when I need a little extra cash.  At the moment I go twice a week to pay for CrossFit since there is no money in the budget for this expensive sport.  Ever since I started donating plasma they have to use the larger of two arm cuffs to check my blood pressure.  There have been a few times where someone would try a smaller cuff, but as soon as they turn it on, it pops off because it's way too small.  Yesterday the nurse used the smaller one and I cringed as she turned on the machine.  To my shock and amazement it didn't pop off, it fit just fine!! 

Can I fit into skinny jeans?  no

Can I wear a swimsuit at the beach and look normal?  no

Can I get on the scale and see a healthy number looking back at me?  no

I'm no where near where I want to be, but I'm thrilled at the small changes I'm starting to see.  I'm going to be proud of where I am and where I've come from.  I don't think enough of us get happy about the small things.  We tend to get fixated on a certain number on the scale or the size of pants they're in.  We need to celebrate all the small victories in our lives.  It's those small things that will lead us to the big changes we so desperately want.

Less Is More

My grandmother's memorial was very beautiful.  I'm sad she's gone from us but feel peace knowing she's with her Savior.

I didn't eat the best this weekend.  I had my parents and sister over for dinner Friday night.  We ate grilled chicken and sausages, a big green salad, a pasta salad,  and for dessert we had pound cake with homemade strawberry and huckleberry sauce to drizzle over.  Saturday was the memorial and I ended up eating a cookie and 2 pieces of cheese during the gathering afterwards.  We skipped lunch and were all starving.  Later in the evening my brother, sister and I all went out to eat.  As we sat down we realized it was the first time all three of us had done anything together since becoming adults.  How strange and sad.  We had a good time.  We ate delicious Greek food and finished off our meal with a square of baklava.  Mmmmmm!!  Do I feel guilty about not staying strictly Paleo.....not really. 

Yesterday after church we took the kids and the dog and went on a 3 mile hike.  It wasn't some sissy hike, it was an intense, fairly steep hike up to the top of a ridge and then a steep trek back to the bottom.  It took us about 2 hours.  We were all pretty wiped out.  I was proud of the kids for making it all the way and I was proud of myself for sticking to it.  About halfway up my husband suggested to turn around and go down and I told him that none of us are handicapped and have no reason why we couldn't complete the entire hike.  I think he was surprised and pleased I kept going.

I did get to attend my CrossFit class today. HURRAY!!!!  One of the trainers pulled me aside and asked if I did the burpee workout they emailed me.  I told him I did and that I also added a smaller kettle bell workout to it and finished up with 25 more burpees.  He looked a little frustrated and then told me that I was doing too much.  He said that less was more and what I did wasn't necessary.  I wanted to lift up my shirt and grab all my extra flab, shake it in his face and say, really?!?!?!?  It sure feels necessary when I'm such a fattie still.  I was a little hurt because I felt like I really pushed myself last week to get in some great workouts despite not being able to make it into class.  I have a super hard time when people criticize how I do things.   I tend to retreat inward and shy away from them.  He wasn't mean about it, he was just upfront and straight to the point.  Apparently when he tells me to do 50 burpees that's it.....I'm not to add or change the workouts given.  I need to suck it up and and not let his critique damped my spirit.  Now I know and I won't make that mistake again.

Today was hard.  We started off doing various types of lunges, most of which I'd never heard of before.  One was called the spider-man lunge.....it was definitely my favorite. 

We did lunges back and for across the gym for about 5 full minutes.  My legs were burning and quivering by the end.  Next we split up and did the skill sets.  The advanced group went with Jonathan and the rest went with Megan.  Megan had us grab a set of bars that were about 8 inches off the ground.  We were to hold onto them and lift our bodies off the floor for 10 seconds and then rest for 20 seconds.  I wasn't able to lift my entire body off the floor.  My heels still touched, but I at least was holding about 75% of my body weight off the floor.  We did that over and over and over and over.  I don't know how many rounds we did.  It felt like an eternity.  Next we grabbed kettle bells and did 10 rounds of 8 squats while holding the bell to our chests and then 5 kettle bell rows with each arm. 

By the end I looked like I dunked my head under water.  Sweat was pouring off my face and my hair was matted and sticking to my wet face and neck.  All my muscles were shaky and burning.  It's only because others were there and I had accountability that I didn't leave and go home at that point.  I didn't want to do the WOD, I was flippin' tired!!

We had about a 5 minute break and then started our WOD.  We started off with 2 minutes of burpees and then did 3 rounds of  
10 push ups

10 box jumps ( I did box step ups)

10 kettle bell swings over head

and then we finished off with another 2 minutes of burpees.


Those last two minutes of burpees felt like a living hell.  My body is so heavy that going to the floor and back up over and over is absolute torture!  I finished though and was super glad I didn't cry even though I felt like it.  I just wanted to sit in the corner and bawl my eyes out.  Afterwards we all did a cool down while rolling our muscles out on some foam rollers.  I caught one young gal looking at me.  I actually caught her several times.  I immediately looked down away from her eyes, I don't like people looking at me.  I looked down at my legs and saw just how fat my thighs were.  Was she looking at me because I am a fattie?  I always assume the worst case scenario.  Oh well.  I'm not there for them, I'm there for me.  I'm anxious to start seeing some big results in my weight and size.  Is it too much to ask to just wake up tomorrow and be thin?  Hehe 

What I'm eating today:

Breakfast~chocolate protein shake

after workout~turkey vegetable soup

Lunch~salad with homemade dressing and grilled chicken

Dinner~paleo stuffed peppers and sweet potato fries