She had me start off on the airdyne bike to get the blood flowing. I had the hardest time even getting my fat ass on the darn thing. Literally took me 30 seconds of floundering before I was able to hoist myself up onto the seat. As I warmed up, Meagan told me that we are going to be going at a very slow pace. She's going to essentially be "babying" me, until I can work back up to more normal workouts.
All I can say was what little I did today was very VERY hard for me. My muscles felt so weak and my body felt so heavy. Mentally I want to walk back in and just jump right in to where I left off. That's just not going to happen. It kills me, KILLS ME, to start back at the beginning. I wasn't even able to finish the uber tiny WOD she created for me. I felt to sick to my stomach I just couldn't finish. I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, I wanted to kick my feet and throw a tantrum. My mind is SOO ready to be back but my body is no where near on the same page.
Finding myself at the beginning again is almost more than I can take. I feel like I shouldn't have fallen so far back down the ladder. Somehow I should've been able to keep up with everything. I know deep down that's insane. I had cancer, I was on a chemo that ravished my body, and yet I feel like I somehow failed. I can only hope that with each class I attend, that it'll get better and better.
My best pal is doing bootcamp right now and I constantly tell her not to get discouraged, that this is all part of the process, blah blah blah. I really need to heed my own advice. Why is it so easy to give others grace and forgiveness but we are so hard on ourselves?
My next class is in 3 days. My goal until is to eat as clean as possible, take my vitamins and drink lots of water.