Friday, June 28, 2013

Not the best day.........

I'm sick.  Super sick.  It feels like I have a ton of bricks sitting on my chest.  It's finally summer and I am stuck in bed with the flu.

My husband also got information today that after 15 years at his job, he'll be working out of town Monday - Friday's over night's starting in January.  I'm beyond devastated!  It's going to be like becoming a single mom.  I'll be sleeping alone, and will hardly get to see my husband.  Not to mention the kids won't get to see their dad much either.  There will be no monetary compensation or anything.  He either takes it, or he no longer has a job.  I'm absolutely sickened. 

Wednesday, June 26, 2013


I didn't sleep well last night.  I woke up with a sore throat.  It's overcast and staying curled up in bed sounded lovely.  BUT I still got up and got my plump behind to CrossFit.  I fought with myself about it all morning.  I'm glad I'm starting to listen to the "angel" voice more than the "devil" voice.  The more I force myself to go the more I realize that I can do this.  I can become an athlete.  I can take control of my life.  I can become the person I've always wanted to be. 

I was talking with my mom on the phone this morning and I told her that I feel like I'm stronger mentally.....more than I ever remember.  She told me that she felt like I'm finally becoming the person I was meant to be.  That statement made me feel great and awful all at the same time.  Great because it feels good to be doing what I was born to do, and yet awful because I've wasted 33 years.  I know what you are thinking, YOU CAN'T DWELL ON THE PAST.  THE PAST IS THE PAST. You are right. 

I saw this quote on another blog yesterday and it really resonated with me.

I've had a few people tell me how brave I was for changing my life and starting crossfit.  It bothers me a bit because I don't feel brave, I don't feel like I have any courage.  But this quote kind of brought it all home for me.  Maybe courage isn't being fearless.....maybe it's just continually trying and working towards your goals despite the occasional obstacle.

Today's warm up was two rounds of running 200 meters, 8 ring rows, and 8 toes to bar.  I did (what I think are called) V-ups instead.  I've been reading some info on running.  I wanted to see if I could find any tips on how to do it more efficiently.  Today I tried to slow it down just a smidge and lengthen my stride.  It felt a little better.  Megan told me that my running looked better today, so maybe I'm actually doing something right!   Speaking of running......I'll be going to Boise in Nov to visit my sister.  I'm flying in on Halloween and staying a few nights.  I'm going to run my first 5K while there.  I'm super excited and totally freaked out.  It definitely gives me something to work towards in the mean time. 

Our skill set was weighted pull-ups.  Again, can't really do pull-ups, so I did 5 rounds of 5 negative pull-ups on the rings.  I've never used my muscles so much in my life.  I've worked out throughout the years, but never really with weights or weight related exercises.  It's pretty much been pure cardio.  Cardio was never really tough.  I might get tired or winded, but it was never "hard".  I never felt like I was going to die.  I pretty much feel like I'm going to die each and every time I set foot in my crossfit. 

Our WOD was 4 rounds of rowing 500 meters.  Again we couldn't get less than a 3 second difference in our times or we'd have to do 25 burpees.  Oh my flippin word.  I remember the pain and agony I felt last Wednesday, and it was back to haunt me again.  It's funny the thoughts that run through your brain when you get scared.....maybe I should fake an injury, maybe I could sneak out and no one would notice, maybe I could row only three rounds and not tell anyone.....the list goes on and on.  My first round I clocked in at 2 min 14 seconds. 

2nd round: 2 min 9 seconds
3rd round: 2 min 15 seconds
4th round: can't remember

I know I didn't owe any burpees so I was at least 2 min 17 seconds.

During my 4th round I stopped for about 3 seconds to catch my breath and relieve my burning legs and arms.  Megan came up behind me and told me to keep going.  Ugh!  I started up again and my shoe fell off.  Instead of stopping again I just kept pulling as hard as I possibly could.  I finished.  I grabbed my shoe and sat down and tried desperately to catch my breath.  Everything hurt, everything ached, my body is so not used to this type of torture. 

I'm beyond thankful I didn't owe any burpees.  I think I would've burst into tears if I did.  I did cry on my way home....AGAIN.  I'm confused why crossfit makes me cry so much.  Oh well.  As I drove home I passed the grocery store, and as I drove by I saw the reader board highlight their sale on donuts.  Dear Jesus, help me!  I drove right on by, got home and collapsed on the couch.  I did it.  I finished another grueling workout. 

Monday, June 24, 2013


I got super busy on Friday and wasn't able to post anything, but I did go to CrossFit like a good girl.  Seems like as the summer progresses the busier I get.  I was sore all weekend from last weeks workouts.  It was the "good" kind of sore.  =) 

My mother in law comes in exactly two weeks.  I'm trying super hard to not let her stress me out, but after 12 years of dealing with her crap, it's easier said than done.  I'm just bracing myself for some rude comments about my weight or how I raise my kids, or what we eat.  She gets pretty angry when I don't have my house stocked with her favorite foods and beverages.  I don't buy potato chips or soda or cookies or most other junk food.  If my family is craving something sweet, then I will make it homemade.  Processed foods and drinks are no longer allowed in our home.  Anyway, I know I shouldn't dwell on what has yet to occur. 

On a different note today we did "Grace".   

The warm-up was a 400 meter run, and then we grabbed a partner and did "junkyard dog".  It's jumping over your partner and then crawling underneath them.  Running and jumping.....not my best strengths.  We did a killer kettle bell skill set.  Lunges with kettle bells, sit ups with kettle bells, and sitting in a lunge position, lifting the kettle bell over head over and over....several rounds of everything.  I was feeling quite exhausted after the warm up and skill set......I just wanted to go home at that point.  I think forcing myself to actually attend class is good for me because I'm starting to realize how easily I give up or want to quit.  If I was home alone, I could pretty much guarantee that I'd have quit and stopped. 

Our WOD was "Grace".  Grace is 30 clean and jerks.  They want girls to do 95lbs.  I was only able to do 45 lbs and it was SO incredibly hard.  First of all the movement is so not natural for me.  It was frustrating me that I couldn't seem to grasp the concept of how to do the lift properly.  Megan helped me out and after some practice I got the hang of it.  We had to do 30 reps, no matter how long it took.  I was able to get it done in 6 min 15 seconds.  The tops of my shoulders felt like they were going to shrivel up and fall off, taking my arms with them.  Just picking up my purse when it was time to go home was quite the feat.  haha 

Here is a 2 min video showing how to do clean and jerks.

It's a cloudy and rainy day.  A perfect day to relax after my tiring morning.  I need to figure out something smart for dinner.  Time to hit the web and look for some yummy paleo recipes. 

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Death Row

Today is my middle son's 8th birthday.  Hebron was born on Father's Day.  He asked me if we could stay home from crossfit today because it was his birthday.  Nice try, Son.  After I cool down from my workout and shower, I'll take him to 31 Flavors to get an ice cream cone. 

Today was a wamup, skill set, and WOD that all dealt with the arms and shoulders.  The WOD was a killer.  Literally I felt like death was creeping up on me while doing it.  I wanted to die.  The rowing machine looks so innocent.  Most of us have tried it a time or two in the gym.  It seems easy and it is if you're using it incorrectly.  We had to row 750 meters three times.  We timed ourselves and couldn't go below our first time by more than 3 seconds or we'd have to do 25 penalty burpees. 

If we rowed the first 750 meters in 3 minutes, then we'd double that time to rest.  So then we'd rest for 6 minutes.  Then we'd row again, rest again, and then row one last time. 

Our crossfit only has 8 rowers, and we had well over 20 people in today's class, so we had to alternate a bit.  I was in the last group to start and naturally was the last person to finish. 

Geoff told me that I needed to stay around 220 meters a minute.  He told me that I have strong legs and that it was an appropriate goal for me to strive for.  When I rowed Monday I had a super hard time staying under 230 meters a minute, and that was for 400 meters sprints.  ugh!!!!

I started and stayed at around 217 meters a minute.  My lungs burned, my shoulders were on fire, my legs were quivering, my stomach muscles were screaming at me.  My whole body felt like it was going to shut down.  I just closed my eyes and kept rowing, trying to keep a good stride and proper form.  I finished my 1st 750 meters in 3 minutes 34 seconds.   I had 7 minutes to rest. 

That 7 min. rest FLEW by!  My second 750 meters I was told to keep my speed at 215 meters a minute.  Basically meaning I needed to do this round slightly faster.  I wanted to scream, LOOK AT ME, I'M TOO FAT!  Instead I just closed my eyes and prayed that I wouldn't make a complete fool out of myself in front of the rest of the class. 

My second round I was able to shave 6 seconds off my time.  I clocked in at 3 minutes 28 seconds. 
I had another 7 min. rest and climbed back on the rower.  I knew I had to get my last round in at 3 min 37 seconds or faster....otherwise 25 burpees would need to be done. 

My stomach was not happy, I felt super sick, and my eyes were starting to tear up.  I told myself to KNOCK IT OFF, THERE IS NO CRYING IN CROSSFIT...YOU SIGNED UP FOR THIS, NOW BUCK UP AND GET THROUGH IT! 

I stopped twice during my 3rd round.  My lungs just didn't feel like they could keep up with my need for oxygen.  Megan and Geoff started yelling encouragement to me and I finished as strong as I could.  I used every last ounce of energy that I had.  I finished at exactly 3 min 34 seconds.....the same as my 1st round. 

Hurray!!  No burpees for this girl!!  I did it.  I finished it.  I pushed myself past any limit I thought I had.  I just sat on the machine for a minute and sucked in air as fast as I could.  I didn't care that I was last.  I was just happy I finished it. 

On a different note, I saw my grandfather on Saturday and he gave me a hug and told me that he could totally see me shrinking.  Yay!  It feels so good when others can visually see the hard work I've been putting in. 

Yesterday I went and donated plasma.  I've been donating on and off for a few years now.  I go when I need a little extra cash.  At the moment I go twice a week to pay for CrossFit since there is no money in the budget for this expensive sport.  Ever since I started donating plasma they have to use the larger of two arm cuffs to check my blood pressure.  There have been a few times where someone would try a smaller cuff, but as soon as they turn it on, it pops off because it's way too small.  Yesterday the nurse used the smaller one and I cringed as she turned on the machine.  To my shock and amazement it didn't pop off, it fit just fine!! 

Can I fit into skinny jeans?  no

Can I wear a swimsuit at the beach and look normal?  no

Can I get on the scale and see a healthy number looking back at me?  no

I'm no where near where I want to be, but I'm thrilled at the small changes I'm starting to see.  I'm going to be proud of where I am and where I've come from.  I don't think enough of us get happy about the small things.  We tend to get fixated on a certain number on the scale or the size of pants they're in.  We need to celebrate all the small victories in our lives.  It's those small things that will lead us to the big changes we so desperately want.

Monday, June 17, 2013

Becoming a SUPERHERO......

I hope every one's Father's Day was nice.  We went on a crazy long hike.  My husband wanted to climb to the top of some lookout point at Farragut State Park.  We started off on a trail and then would switch to another trail.  We did this a few times and then things got tricky.  We found a large pile of bear poo at the base of a very steep and rocky trail.  To me that was a sign to turn around and go back, but my hubby viewed it as nothing to be worried about.  We climbed slowly and carefully over rocks and trees.  The kids were starting to complain and I could feel myself getting cranky.  I was hot, covered in sweat, and I was exhausted.  We finally made it to the top, well, almost.  The last 50 feet was nothing but large boulders that had to be climbed in order to reach the lookout point.  Umm no.  I'm not going to risk injury to myself or my children.  So hubby climbed it with our oldest, much to my horror.  I'm thankful they made it up and back down safely.  The weather was just gorgeous.  It was about 80 degrees, sunny, with just a slight breeze.  perfect!  After our long hike, we ate our packed lunch and took the kids and dog to the beach to cool down. 

I thought for sure I'd wake up tired and sore after yesterday's hike, but surprisingly I felt great.  Today we did a 400 meter run before we started our warm up.  Then we did drills back and forth across the gym floor, running with high knees, running butt kickers, inch worms, skipping with high knees, and some various lunges. 

When I first started looking into crossfit I kept running across the saying," YOUR WORKOUT IS MY WARMUP".  They weren't joking!

Our skill set was 4 rounds:

10 box step ups on right leg
10 box step ups on left leg
15 right shoulder presses
15 left shoulder presses
20 second right side plank
20 second center plank
20 second left side plank

After the skill sets, I wanted to lay on the floor and just die.  I could see my kids in the kid's corner watching me and they kept smiling and giving me thumbs up.  I love those guys.♥

Our WOD was a 12 minute AMRAP (as many rounds/reps as possible)

400 meter run or row
15 ring dips

I chose rowing.  I haven't rowed in almost 5 weeks, so I figured it was time.  I did 15 push ups, since I'm not strong enough to do the ring dips. 

I felt pretty good my first two rounds, but my 3rd round was absolutely a killer.  By the 4th round, I didn't think I could row for even 1 more second.  I got about 2/3rds of the way through my 4th round when time was up.  There were several people who just collapsed on the floor for a few minutes to catch their breath.  This CrossFit stuff is no joke!

On the car ride home, my kids asked me if I'd make up some kiddie crossfit workouts for them so they can get strong and fit like me.  Awww!!  Seriously?!  I felt so good inside!  Although I still feel like a fat failure who lets fear rule my life, my kids see me as their superhero and that touches me beyond words.  I need to hang onto that and not let self doubt get in my way.

Monday, June 10, 2013

Back on the wagon.....

Last week I ate terrible.  Like really really terrible.  I hate how I feel when I eat like crap and yet it's so easy to slip back into those bad habits.  Let's just say that I didn't let National Donut Day slip away without celebrating. 

 I slept awful, I felt awful, I was cranky and made others around me cranky....all in all last week was a bust.  The kids are now officially on summer break, so they'll be coming with me to crossfit, plasma donations, cleaning of houses, grocery shopping and any and all errands that need to be done on a weekly basis.  I have a feeling they're going to be sick of getting toted around with me everyday, but I don't have choice. 

I think today's workout was especially tough for me due to my crappy eating and lack of fluids.  My energy levels were at the bottom of the barrel and I almost shared my breakfast all over the gym floor.  Today I had a super healthy protein shake for breakfast, lunch of a pan fried turkey patty w/ steamed broccoli, and dinner will be homemade beef stew. 

I need to kick things up in high gear this week.  Back on Paleo, back to taking my daily supplements, back to getting all 3 WODS in a week, back to getting some decent sleep.  If I'm going to become this athlete that I dream to be, I need to "suck it up" and just do it. 

It's time to think about all the things I want out of this life.  I want to live a full life that's full of adventure.  I want to go swimming without being the whale at the beach.  I want to feel like I'm a good match to my fit husband.  I want my kids to learn healthy eating habits from me.  I want to (gasp) maybe even be a little bit hot! 

Time to go nurse my throbbing quads.  Oy!

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Weighed in and measured..............

Well in 7 weeks since I started CrossFit (post bootcamp) I've lost a total of 6 lbs and 19 inches.  I must confess that I'm bummed the pounds weren't a lot more.  I'm putting my scale away for another month and will do my best to follow the Paleo eating plan and keeping up with my CrossFit classes.  I have a super busy day ahead, but wanted to at least post my numbers. 

Thighs - 3 inches off each
calves- 1 inch off each
upper arms - 2 inches off each
hips - 4 inches off
bust - 1 inch off
waist - 2 inches off