Less Is More

My grandmother's memorial was very beautiful.  I'm sad she's gone from us but feel peace knowing she's with her Savior.

I didn't eat the best this weekend.  I had my parents and sister over for dinner Friday night.  We ate grilled chicken and sausages, a big green salad, a pasta salad,  and for dessert we had pound cake with homemade strawberry and huckleberry sauce to drizzle over.  Saturday was the memorial and I ended up eating a cookie and 2 pieces of cheese during the gathering afterwards.  We skipped lunch and were all starving.  Later in the evening my brother, sister and I all went out to eat.  As we sat down we realized it was the first time all three of us had done anything together since becoming adults.  How strange and sad.  We had a good time.  We ate delicious Greek food and finished off our meal with a square of baklava.  Mmmmmm!!  Do I feel guilty about not staying strictly Paleo.....not really. 

Yesterday after church we took the kids and the dog and went on a 3 mile hike.  It wasn't some sissy hike, it was an intense, fairly steep hike up to the top of a ridge and then a steep trek back to the bottom.  It took us about 2 hours.  We were all pretty wiped out.  I was proud of the kids for making it all the way and I was proud of myself for sticking to it.  About halfway up my husband suggested to turn around and go down and I told him that none of us are handicapped and have no reason why we couldn't complete the entire hike.  I think he was surprised and pleased I kept going.

I did get to attend my CrossFit class today. HURRAY!!!!  One of the trainers pulled me aside and asked if I did the burpee workout they emailed me.  I told him I did and that I also added a smaller kettle bell workout to it and finished up with 25 more burpees.  He looked a little frustrated and then told me that I was doing too much.  He said that less was more and what I did wasn't necessary.  I wanted to lift up my shirt and grab all my extra flab, shake it in his face and say, really?!?!?!?  It sure feels necessary when I'm such a fattie still.  I was a little hurt because I felt like I really pushed myself last week to get in some great workouts despite not being able to make it into class.  I have a super hard time when people criticize how I do things.   I tend to retreat inward and shy away from them.  He wasn't mean about it, he was just upfront and straight to the point.  Apparently when he tells me to do 50 burpees that's it.....I'm not to add or change the workouts given.  I need to suck it up and and not let his critique damped my spirit.  Now I know and I won't make that mistake again.

Today was hard.  We started off doing various types of lunges, most of which I'd never heard of before.  One was called the spider-man lunge.....it was definitely my favorite. 

We did lunges back and for across the gym for about 5 full minutes.  My legs were burning and quivering by the end.  Next we split up and did the skill sets.  The advanced group went with Jonathan and the rest went with Megan.  Megan had us grab a set of bars that were about 8 inches off the ground.  We were to hold onto them and lift our bodies off the floor for 10 seconds and then rest for 20 seconds.  I wasn't able to lift my entire body off the floor.  My heels still touched, but I at least was holding about 75% of my body weight off the floor.  We did that over and over and over and over.  I don't know how many rounds we did.  It felt like an eternity.  Next we grabbed kettle bells and did 10 rounds of 8 squats while holding the bell to our chests and then 5 kettle bell rows with each arm. 

By the end I looked like I dunked my head under water.  Sweat was pouring off my face and my hair was matted and sticking to my wet face and neck.  All my muscles were shaky and burning.  It's only because others were there and I had accountability that I didn't leave and go home at that point.  I didn't want to do the WOD, I was flippin' tired!!

We had about a 5 minute break and then started our WOD.  We started off with 2 minutes of burpees and then did 3 rounds of  
10 push ups

10 box jumps ( I did box step ups)

10 kettle bell swings over head

and then we finished off with another 2 minutes of burpees.


Those last two minutes of burpees felt like a living hell.  My body is so heavy that going to the floor and back up over and over is absolute torture!  I finished though and was super glad I didn't cry even though I felt like it.  I just wanted to sit in the corner and bawl my eyes out.  Afterwards we all did a cool down while rolling our muscles out on some foam rollers.  I caught one young gal looking at me.  I actually caught her several times.  I immediately looked down away from her eyes, I don't like people looking at me.  I looked down at my legs and saw just how fat my thighs were.  Was she looking at me because I am a fattie?  I always assume the worst case scenario.  Oh well.  I'm not there for them, I'm there for me.  I'm anxious to start seeing some big results in my weight and size.  Is it too much to ask to just wake up tomorrow and be thin?  Hehe 

What I'm eating today:

Breakfast~chocolate protein shake

after workout~turkey vegetable soup

Lunch~salad with homemade dressing and grilled chicken

Dinner~paleo stuffed peppers and sweet potato fries

50 Burpees in 5 minutes

I emailed my trainer last night letting him know I couldn't make it in again today because my daughter is still too sick.  I shared with him the workouts I created for myself on Monday and Wednesday and asked if he had any suggestions on something I could do at home for Friday.  He wrote back and told me to try and do 50 burpees in under 5 minutes and if I could do that, then to do 25 more. 

I set the stop watch on my phone and got started.  I finished 50 burpees in 11 minutes and 51 seconds.  Not even close to the 5 min mark and they were modified burpees even.  Ugh!  I suppose at least I know what my time is and I can just keep working on trying to beat it. 

After the burpees I felt like I had more to give, so I ended up doing 3 rounds of:

10 right 15lb kettle bell snatches

10 left kettle bell snatches

10 sit ups


After I finished my three rounds I decided to do those last 25 burpees even though I wasn't able to do the first 50 in 5 minutes.  Those last 6 were brutal.

 I can't believe how drenched I was afterwards.  I feel so good and I'm really happy that I pushed myself to finish. 

I'm looking forward to taking a break this weekend.  We'll be attending my grandmother's funeral tomorrow.  The weather should be just gorgeous. 

What I plan on eating today:

Breakfast/post workout meal~chocolate protein shake

snack~apple w/ almond butter

Lunch~salad w/ pork tenderloin and a homemade dressing

Dinner~grilled chicken and sausages, side salad, roasted asparagus

Denial

I called my sister the other day and was telling her how I had a crying meltdown at CrossFit.  She told me to go online and watch old seasons of The Biggest Loser.  She said that it might be helpful for me to see other people struggling with changing their lives and watch them cry and have break downs of their own.  I started watching Season 6 last night.  My sis was right, it was helpful.  It's so easy to lose perspective.  I go to CrossFit and I see 20 people who for the most part are in great shape.  Sure, the workouts are tough for them, but this world is something they know and are used to. 

I've never been athletic.  I started gaining weight at 8 years old.  I wanted to be in dance classes when I was young, but my family was fairly poor and couldn't afford for us kids to be in sports.  When I was in 5th grade they told me I could join soft ball.  I didn't want to.  I wasn't huge, but I was chunky and had no idea what I was doing.  I felt guilty to turn it down, so I joined.  I remember standing up to bat and refusing to swing the bat at the ball because if I hit the ball, I'd have to run around the bases.  I hated running.  Plus I could feel my extra flesh bounce when I ran and it made me extremely self conscious.  I swung the bat one time during the entire soft ball season and I vowed never EVER to do sports again. 

My mother was overweight while I was growing up.  I remember she would politely bow out of any sort of physical activity if she could.  She would never go swimming with us and going on hikes was far and few between.  I hated that she was fat.  I hated that because of her insecurity she was holding the rest of us back......but the truth was I hated myself and I projected that onto my mother. 

Over the last 11 years of having 3 kids the weight really started to pack on.  I knew I wasn't a small girl, but I didn't really think I was as big as I was.  I made sure I wasn't in pictures and if I had to be in one, I tried to hide behind other people or objects so people couldn't see all my ugliness. 

Last summer my sister rented a jet ski and wanted my husband and I and our 3 kids to join her in riding it for a few hours.  She insisted on taking a picture of me and my husband on it.  I tried to hold my head at a forgiving angle and tried my best to look as slim as possible.  I wasn't very successful.

 

I was mortified when she posted this on facebook and I immediately deleted it.  Who was that person!?!  No way could that be me!  I didn't feel that fat on the inside.  Then I looked at my handsome husband and felt an overwhelming sense of sadness.  My sweet Benjamin has never said one word about my weight problems.  Never.  As I looked at him I felt like I didn't deserve him.  He loved to be active.  Being outside gives him so much joy and I try my hardest never to go outside.  The last few years he stopped asking me if I wanted to go on a hike or go to the beach because he knew I'd say no.  Instead he'd just announce that he was going to take the kids on a hike and he'd be back later.  I'd be relieved. 

 

It's really only been the last 6 months or so where I've really been open about where I am in my life.  The truth is I hated it.  I want to love it.  I love my husband and children dearly but my weight ruins everything!  I don't like meeting new people, I don't like it being hot outside because I refuse to wear shorts or sleeveless shirts to stay cool.  Eating, cooking became my only sources of joy.  Four months ago I chose to give up flour and sugar and it was incredibly tough.  After sticking to it for a couple of months, CrossFit came into my life and for the first time in a very very long time......I feel hope.  Joy has started replacing the sadness.  I want to be a better wife to my deserving husband and a better mother to my three loving children.  I want to be a person that is full of happiness and life.  I don't want to just get by day to day, I want to THRIVE!

 

 

I only get to live this life once and I'm tired of wasting time.  This journey I'm on is so incredibly hard.  It's also quite scary for me.  I can't imagine life without being heavy.  I'm thrilled to see what I will look like as a fit adult woman.  I'm ready to change my life, one step at a time.  The mountain I have to climb is so big right now that it's quite daunting.  One day at a time, one meal at a time, one workout at a time.  This girl refuses to be in denial for even one more day.  

I want my mommy!

My husband woke me up at 5am as he was leaving for work to let me know our daughter had a temp of 103.  Seriously?  I'm starting to wonder if she is licking the handles of grocery carts and door knobs, because I swear she's been getting sick nonstop for the past few months!!  Guess it's another day of crossfit at home. 

After I got my boys off to school, I took my daughter and ran to Walmart to get some fever meds and decided to see if they carried kettle bells.  They did!!  I bought a 15 lb bell and when I got home I went online and found a few at home crossfit type workouts to do at home. 

Todays warm up consisted of 3 rounds of:

25 jumping jacks

10 push ups

10 squats



My WOD was 5 rounds of :

10 right hand kettle bell snatches

10 left hand kettle bell snatches

10 right hand kettle bell swings

10 left hand kettle bell swings

10 sit ups

It took me about 14 minutes to finish.  I was sweating bullets by the 4th round.  It's a gorgeous day here, maybe after the older kids get home from school I can take a quick 1 or 2 mile walk while they keep an eye on their sister and do their homework. 

What I'm eating today:

Breakfast~ham and egg scramble

post workout snack~coconut milk protein shake

Lunch~large salad with pork tenderloin and homemade dressing

Dinner~homemade paleo spaghetti meat sauce over spaghetti squash and a side salad

evening snack~1 square of dark chocolate and a cup of tea

I'm totally digging the Endangered Species chocolate at the moment.

Psyched Myself Out

So my plan is going to CrossFit  MWF.....and getting a nice walk in on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  I found out that my CrossFit posts the daily WOD online so you can see what is in store for that day.  I woke up and got online and saw that it was mainly running stuff today.  Bleh!  I  know that running is definitely something that I need to be working on, but OMGoodness it's so hard to run when you have ninety pounds of fat strapped to your body. 

I hate that I psyched myself out.  I suppose I shouldn't even look online to see what the workout is, because truly it doesn't matter.  I need to do it, no matter how much I might hate it.  Since I shucked out of going to CrossFit I decided to go online and find a WOD I could do at home where I wouldn't need any type of equipment.  I found one and boy did it kick my booty!

The warm up was 3 rounds

50 jumping jacks

10 push ups

10 air squats

I took a 5 min break in between the warm up and workout.  I got some water, opened up some windows to get a slight cross breeze throughout the house to help me cool off a bit. 

My WOD was 4 rounds:

25 push ups

20 lunges w/ each leg

15 sit ups

10 air squats

5 burpees

60 second planks

This ended up being much harder than it looked.  Halfway through my brain tried to convince myself that just doing 2 rounds was good enough.  I stood in my living room arguing with myself and I ended up finishing all 4 rounds.  I was thoroughly worn out. 

My husband called me this afternoon to see how my workout went and he was a little ticked I didn't make it to class.  He reminded me just how much it costs and that I need to go no matter how much I hate running.  He's right.  I need to go. 

I still feel like I'm in a bit of a "funk" since last Friday's workout.  I think it was so hard that it scared me and then seeing how much running there was to do today, I let that fear keep me from going to class.  I told my husband at the very beginning that I was tired of letting fear rule my choices in life and here I catch myself doing it again.

 I suppose we all have setbacks along the journeys we take.  I will go on Wednesday and will give it 100% no matter how much I may hate it. 

 

What I ate today:

Breakfast~eggs, turkey sausage

post workout snack~chocolate protein shake

Lunch~salad w/ grilled pork and homemade oil/vin dressing

Dinner~paleo sloppy joe stuffed peppers, sauteed french green beans, side salad w/ homemade oil/vin dressing.

recipe for the peppers: http://peaceloveandlowcarb.blogspot.com/2012/11/sloppy-joe-stuffed-peppers.html

Yumm!!!

Humiliated

This has been a very tough week.  Losing my grandmother and dealing with my weird flu like issues has taken it's toll on me emotionally.  I woke up last night to the worst stomach pain.  I just curled up in a ball and cried, it hurt so bad.  I wish I knew what was causing it.  I don't know if it's some weird stomach bug, or if there is something more serious going on. 

I woke up still feeling not quite "normal" but decided to head to CrossFit anyway.  After the warm up I could tell my endurance just wasn't there.  I had no more pep left.  I slowly made it through the skill set, trying to reserve as much energy as I had for the WOD.  We had three rounds 21, 15, 9 of dumbbell thrusters and 400 meters of either rowing or running. 

I grabbed the 15 lb dumbbells and did my 21 thrusters and realized that they were too heavy.  I could see all these small women using 25lbs and up, but unfortunately I'm just not there yet.  I set the dumbbells aside and climbed onto the rower.  I was able to bust out the 1st 400 meters without too much pain and found myself a lighter pair of dumbbells and did another 15 thrusters.  The second round of rowing was much harder.  I kept closing my eyes trying to focus on why I was there.  I thought about how I'm changing my life, and forcing myself to do something I've always wanted to do.  I was pouring sweat by the end of that round.  Round three, Megan found me and told me to do my last round of thrusters without taking any stops or breaks.  I was starting to get frustrated with myself because about half of the people in my class had already finished and were just standing around waiting for the rest of us.  I started to feel self conscious.  I finished my thrusters and reluctantly slinked over to the rower for one last 400 meter row.  About 100 meters in and everything in my brain told me to stop.  I was in too much pain, breathing was becoming difficult, my muscles couldn't pull anymore.............that's when Megan found me again.  She stood behind me and kept encouraging me to finish strong.  The last 50 meters I could feel the tears well up in my eyes and I tried to blink them back.  I finally finished my workout and I just sat on the rower, exhausted and I couldn't force back the tears any longer.  I just sat there and sobbed for a good two solid minutes.  So many emotions and thoughts were running through my head.  Why did I let myself get so out of shape, why couldn't I be better, or stronger, or anything other than what I was.  I felt so much self hate at that moment.  When I was finally able to stop the tears I turned around and realized the entire class was sitting there waiting for me to get off the effing rower so we could all do a cool down stretch together.

I could feel my face burn with humiliation.  Here I was on display for the class while I cried and they sat there waiting for me to finish.  Could I be any more of a freaking loser?!  I did my cool down stretches and bolted out of there.  I sat in my car and cried again.  I know I'm only in my 1st month at CrossFit but I'm so ready to be stronger.....mentally and physically. 

What I ate today:

Breakfast~bacon and eggs

post workout~small chocolate protein shake

Lunch~greek salad with chicken

Dinner~paleo chicken soup

CrossFit and the flu..........

I had to cancel my workout on Monday.  I was up most of the night with the flu and spent most of the day in bed.  I got a call Monday afternoon that my grandmother had died.  She'd been battling dementia for almost 10 years and it was heartbreaking to see her memory fade.  The last time I saw her was Christmas and she didn't know who I was.  It was then I knew that I had already lost my Nana. 

Fast forward to today and I still don't feel quite back to normal.  I'm still a bit nauseous, but chose to go to CrossFit anyway.  I'm determined to make this a normal part of my life.  I don't want sickness, death, whatever, to get in the way.  I have to change my life, I have to stick to my goals, I have to keep my eyes on the prize and not waver when life throws barriers in my way.

I had to modify just about everything we did today.  I had to keep reminding myself that I'm not there to impress anyone, I'm there to just keep getting better.  Our warm up wasn't too horrible, but the skill set had my stomach rolling.  We got a quick 3 or 4 min break between our skill set and our WOD, so I got a quick sip of water, used the restroom and told myself that no matter what I was not going to get sick. 

Our WOD today was what they called Ten Plus Two.  We had ten minutes to do as many rounds as possible.  8 push ups ( I did girly push ups), 10 toes to bar  (I did 20 second planks),  and 6 left & 6 right kettle bell snatches.  Once the ten minutes were up we did double unders for 2 minutes.  I just did regular single unders.  We were supposed to keep track of our rounds and write our scores on the white board.  I know I got over 4 rounds done but lost track when the pain started to set in.  I forgot to count my single unders.  I was just trying to not die and not puke on the floor.  SIGH...............one of these days I'll get my crap together.   ;)

After the WOD we did some deep stretches which felt great and then I headed home.  I've noticed it takes me a good hour to completely cool down after these workouts.  I still feel super sick to my stomach and food in general just sounds disgusting.  I'm hoping by Friday I'm back to normal and can kick some WOD ass.  hehe

What I ate today:

Breakfast~ 1/2 egg, 1 slice of bacon

post workout~1/3 protein shake

If I can stomach it, I'll have a salad with chicken and avocado for lunch and spaghetti (w spaghetti squash) for dinner. 

Running running running........

Ok, so I wrote a huge long post yesterday only to accidentally delete the entire post.  Grrr!  So today I will recap and it won't be nearly as long nor entertaining as the previous one was.  ;)

I was pretty tired Friday morning and my brain tried to convince myself that I didn't need to go to CrossFit, but I told my brain to SHUT IT and I went anyway.  As soon as I walked in and looked at that day's WOD (workout of the day) I wished I had stayed in bed. 

Our warm up was a 400 meter run.  Then we ran with high knees for 100m, butt kicks for 100m, backwards for 100m and skipping with high knees for the remaining 100m.  I felt quite sick after all that.  My lungs burned, my legs were shaking, I felt just awful.  Next we went back into the box and did several leg exercises back and forth.  As I looked around it seemed everyone in there was exhausted and that made me feel better.  I wasn't the only one in some serious pain.  Our WOD to run 800 meters for time, row 500 meters for time, and ride the airdyne bike for 1 min and try to burn as many calories as possible. 

We had 45 minutes to complete those three items and could take as much time as we needed to rest in between.  I took a 5 min break, drank some water and did the running first since I loathe it with every fiber of my being.  I was able to jog 200m, walk 200m, jog 100m, walk 200m, jog 100m.  My time was 6 min 50 sec.  I got the worst time by far.  I rested for another 5 min and did the bike next.  I burned 16 calories in my 1 minute.  I was 2nd to worst.  After another 5 minute break I climbed onto the rower.  I was able to row the first 300 meters without too much pain but the last 200 meters were a KILLER!  Everything hurt so bad I wanted to quit and just start crying.  Megan came over and stood behind me and kept telling me to pull harder, use my hips, push off with my heels faster etc etc.  She was encouraging me to finish strong.  The pain my muscles felt was incredible.  I finished in 2min 58 seconds.  I wanted to collapse and die.  Lungs, legs, arms, everything burned and hurt.  After collecting myself I rolled out my muscles on a foam roller and went home. 

It was by far the hardest thing I've done to date at CrossFit.  Although my times are far behind everyone else, I'm just happy I'm able to complete the tasks given to me.  That in and of itself is very rewarding. 

What I ate:

Breakfast~2 eggs, 2 turkey sausages

post workout snack~1 apple, 2 TBS almond butter

Lunch~1/2 avocado, 1/2 can of albacore tuna, 1 hard boiled egg mashed together w/ a little salt and pepper

Dinner~Paleo sloppy joe stuffed peppers and sweet potato fries

snack~2 squares dark choc with blueberries

Utterly Exhausted

I'm tired.  No, I'm beyond tired, I'm utterly exhausted.  I feel like I started running the moment my feet hit the floor this morning.  I feel like ordering pizza for dinner.  The kids would be happy, hubby would be happy, but I know I'd be tempted to eat a slice or seven so I'd better buck up and actually COOK a healthy paleo dinner.  BUT I DON'T WANNA!

I was able to make it to CrossFit this morning.  Today seemed to be a little easier for me.  I don't think the WOD was too horrible.  We started off doing something I can't recall the name of.  I was told just to do down and ups.  5 then 6 then 7 then 8 then 9  So basically 35 of those buggers.  Blah.....I feel so awkward doing them.  I have to step back with one foot, then the other, and then I jump forward back to where my hands are and then jump and clap above my head.  I don't know what it is about the clapping, but I feel like a retarded seal......cow......errr whatever.  So I'm the only one in the room clapping like a moron.  Super fun.  Next we did three rounds of 15 hollow rock rolls.  Those things are freaking hard!!!  My trainer kept saying I was doing great since I was rolling, but I don't think I was doing them quite right.  My behind is still large enough that I was really just rocking on my big bahooki instead of on my spine.  Ugh!  Oh well, it still gave my core one heck of a workout!

Next we did a skill set.  I'm not qualified to do it yet, since I don't have enough core strength.  So instead I did three rounds of 10 air squats, 10 ring rows, and 10 hollow rock rolls. 

Our WOD was a mixture of using the rowers and stationary bikes.  We calculated our calories burned and watts during short intervals on both machines.  We ended up using the rowers three times and the bikes twice.  Back and forth, back and forth.  It was exhausting and I was so ready for it to be over. 

After my workout I headed to my parent's house.  I clean for them twice a month to earn a little extra $.  After cleaning for 2 1/2 hrs, I headed home.  I had my own house to clean.  I was quite a bit behind since yesterday was full of taking care of my sick daughter.  After a couple hours cleaning my own house, my husband called and asked me to go to the store so I could put together something for him to bring to a work pot luck. 

It's dinner time and I'm so tired that making food feels like climbing Mt. Everest.  A hot bubble bath and then crawling into bed sounds much better.  I'm wondering if after a little while my body will get used to this whole CrossFit thing and maybe I won't get so tired in the evenings.   fingers crossed!

What I ate today:

Breakfast~2 eggs, 2 turkey sausages

post workout~2 ounces of beef jerkey, 1 apple, 2 TBS almond butter

Lunch~2 eggs, 2 turkey sausages

Dinner~Yet to be determined.........

Caught in a pickle.....

I'm not quite sure what to do.  I was supposed to go to CrossFit at 9:30 this morning but I was up all night with my daughter who was throwing up.  She's staying home from school today, and I'll be doing laundry and cleaning up the after math.  I rescheduled my workout for tomorrow and then I guess I'll be working out the following day as well.   What an exhausting night!  Hopefully my daughter will take a long nap this afternoon, so I can maybe catch up on some much needed sleep.  I must say that I didn't want to make a paleo breakfast this morning, I wanted to have some sort of sweetened breakfast pastry or two or three and a sweetened latte.  Oh man that sounded so good!!  I'm starting to see that stress is defnitely a trigger for poor eating.  Instead I stayed the course and made some turkey sausages and eggs.  I'm hoping that tomorrow is a much better day and that I can send my daughter to school.  *yawn*  Time to go work on the laundry and cleaning the carpet.    sigh....................

Frightened Fatty experiences her first WOD

My anniversary was lovely.  My husband went all out to make it a very special night.  I did have a little bit of non paleo foods, but nothing overkill.  The following day my tummy wasn't feeling super great.  I'm surprised how such a small amount of sugar and grains made me feel so yucky.  Oh well, onward and upward.

This morning I experienced my first real WOD.  I walked in nervous.  I'm tired of constantly being nervous!  The nice thing was as soon as I walked in I saw several moms and older women who were so nice.  They were very welcoming and made me feel at home.  The coaches were great at showing me how to do modified movements.  I really appreciate how they take time with each person, making sure everyone gets the best workout they can.  We started off with a warm up.  I had to jump over my partner and then they'd go up on their hands and toes while I crawled underneath them.  We did this 12 times.  I was sad to see that by the 6th or 7th jump, I could no longer jump with both feet together.  I was tired enough to have to do a step/jump instead of an actual feet together type jump.  I was pretty winded after doing 12.  Then everyone grabbed a heavy weighted ball and threw it on the ground as hard as they could and then would squat to pick it up....over and over and over.  I was told just to do squats.  My legs and lungs were burning just after the warm up. 

Next on the list was planks, squats, one armed clean thrusters (I know I'm not remember the exact term at the moment) .  I did 4 ten second planks, followed by 15 squats and then 12 thrusters on each arm....we did all of this for 4 rounds. 

After that it was time was our actual WOD.  *crying*  I was already drenched with sweat at this point and utterly exhausted.  I can't remember what most of the group did, but a few newbies, including myself did 10 push-ups and 150 sets of jumping rope for 3 rounds.  I learned something while jumping rope.  I learned that after having 3 kids and jumping up and down over and over and over and over causes some slight incontinence.  Sorry, but it's true.  I had to run to the restroom to get things all sorted out.  Good grief!  It took me a little over 9 minutes to finish my WOD.  I was just happy I showed up this morning and that I did my best with all the exercises.  I'm quite worn out and will probably crawl into bed when the kids do at 8:00pm.  *yawn*

What I ate today:

Breakfast~2 eggs, 2 slices of bacon

post workout snack~1/3 lara bar

Lunch~1 chicken breast cut up in bite size pieces and 2 cups of cut up pieces of asparagus sauteed in a little coconut oil and seasoned with spicy seasoning salt. 

snack~1 apple cut up with 2 TBS almond butter

Dinner~1 bowl of spicy chicken and vegetable soup

snack~2 squares dark chocolate and a cup of tea

Final bootcamp CrossFit workout.......

First off, I have to say that since starting Crossfit just a mere 10 days ago, I have lost 9 pounds.  I also can wear a shirt that I haven't been able to wear since I bought it over a year ago.  It's a cotton, spandex blend and every time I try it on, I look like I've been squeezed into in like a stuffed sausage.  I put it on today and not only did it fit comfortably, but it was a smidge too large.  Freaking amazing!!  Talk about quick results! 

I was super anxious to try the workout that kicked my behind 10 days ago.  I was feeling pretty confident that I'd be able to finish and not get sick.  We started off with several squats to warm us up and then Derek wrote on the board what our WOD was.  3 Rounds of 15-12-9 squats, push-ups, ring rows, and down and ups.  I was told to just do the modified, which was just 2 round of 12 and 9.  He started the clock and we were off.  The last couple down and ups were the only time I even stopped to catch my breath.  I finished and yelled TIME!  Derek just gave me a really suprised look.  He told me I did WAY WAY WAY better than he thought I was going to.  I did it in 4 min and 28 seconds.  Afterwards he told me that he knows I could've done the entire 3 rounds and you know what, I totally agree with him.  I felt good.  I still had energy to spare.  How is it possible for my body to change and adapt that quickly?!

Afterwards he went over membership options and we were free to either sign up and officially join, or to go home.  I went ahead and signed a 12 month contract for a membership that gives me 3 workouts a week.  I plan on going MWF at the 9:30am class.  It sounds like it has several other stay at home moms that come at that time.  I'd love to get to know some other women that have the same goals. 

I can't even put into words how happy and excited I am to really start this journey.  I feel like my life has real purpose.  I was talking to my mom after my workout and told her that the world had better watch out because I'm not only going to get in the best shape of my life, but I want to then become a coach/trainer to help others like myself.  Booya! I just feel like nothing can stop me.  I've been searching for a direction in which to live my life for years and years and I finally found it and NOTHING ......is going to stop me from reaching my goals. 

On another note, my family is doing much better and the husband and I get to get away for the night to celebrate our anniversary after all.  THANK YOU JESUS!  I will be checking in again after my 1st official CrossFit workout next Monday.  ♥

What I ate today:

Breakfast~green smoothie (spinach, strawberries, unsweetened vanilla almond milk, 1/2 scoop whey protein powder, chia seeds, stevia)

snack~handful of mixed nuts

Lunch~2 eggs, 2 turkey sausages, 1 oroblanco

preworkout snack~3oz of leftover steak and a small salad w/ homemade dressing

Dinner~2 eggs, the last of the turkey sausage, 1/2 diced avocado

snack~a cup of tea and 2 squares of dark chocolate

The flu from hell....................

I know in my last post I mentioned getting out for a night to celebrate my 11th wedding anniversary....well.....it looks like it's going to be cancelled.  Apparently the flu we all had last weekend came back with a vengeance.  We haven't been this sick in years.  Why did it have to ruin Easter, my anniversary, and wreck havoc on my CrossFit workouts?  I know it's out of my hands but it really ticks me off.  STUPID FLIPPIN' FLU!

On another note, I'm really starting to enjoy finding and eating new paleo foods.  Yesterday I grilled up some turkey burgers and put them on a bed of organic spinach leaves and topped them with slivers of red onion, dill pickle, bacon and avocado slices.  I also baked up some homemade sweet potato fries.  Mmmmm it was so good!  Even the kids liked it. 

Despite not feeling very well, the workout was great.  We learned about dumbbell squat cleans.  Wow, what looks like a fairly simple movement (and it is) is also a great workout.  We did several of these and then learned all about pull-ups.  Only a couple people in my group can do a regular pull-up, so we learned all sorts of modified ones.  After doing several of these we did 5 rounds of dumbbell squat cleans and pull-ups.  12-8-6-4-2

After our workout was complete we talked more about nutrition and how several elements need to be in check for us to succeed as athletes.  EXERCISE~NUTRITION~SLEEP~STRESS
If any of those are out of whack, then we fail to get where we need to be.  My biggest issue will be the sleep part.  I've been an insomniac since I was in grade school.  It takes me a good hour to fall asleep on a good night and on a bad night it'll take several hours or I might never fall asleep.  It doesn't matter how much I exercise, sleep doesn't come easy for me.  Once I'm asleep I'm fine, it's just getting there that's the problem.  I've tried EVERYTHING to fix this problem and nothing seems to work that well.  We'll see how the sleep thing goes after a few months of CrossFit.  I feel like I have the nutrition down.  I like it, it's easy, I feel good eating it, I don't feel deprived.......hopefully it stays that way. 

Tomorrow we are going to do the same workout we did day one.  We're going to see if we can better our time.  I didn't complete it because I was having a moment in the bathroom reliving my dinner, so as long as I can finish tomorrow, I'll be very happy.  I can't believe bootcamp is just one workout away from being complete!!!  It feels good to force myself out of my comfort zone and do something that really means something.  It feels good to tell my kids what I'm doing and why I'm doing it.  I want them to learn that to change your life takes a lot of courage and effort, but it will pay off and be more rewarding than they could ever imagine.  I want my family to see that just because we were raised to love to eat and not exercise doesn't mean that we can't change that about ourselves. 

I'm going to have a cup of tea and maybe a square of dark chocolate while I catch up on some tv episodes before heading to bed. 

What I ate today:

Breakfast~green smoothie(1 cup packed organic baby spinach, 5 large frozen strawberries, 1 cup of unsweetened vanilla almond milk, 1/2 scoop vanilla whey protein powder, 1 TBS organic chia seeds, stevia)
Lunch~3 cups organic baby spinach, few slices of red onion, dill pickle, avocado, bacon, 8 oz turkey burger, dijon mustard
pre workout snack~1/4 cup sweet potato, 1 turkey sausage
post workout snack~1/2 cup mashed sweet potato, 2 oz ground turkey
Dinner~leftover steak and a big green salad with homemade dressing

Frightened Fatty does CrossFit bootcamp #4

Here I thought I'd be able to enjoy a nice three day break from my workouts, boy was I wrong.  Our entire family came down with the flu.  Coughing, fevers, congestion, we all felt miserable.  We cancelled Easter dinner with my parents and just stayed home.  For once in my life, I fared better than the rest.  I'm wondering if all my clean eating, and overall treatment of my body, made my symptoms not so severe.  hmmmm 

I made a yummy Easter breakfast that was still paleo.  I scrambed up some eggs, bacon, fresh strawberries, grapes, and made some paleo  apple cider donut holes. I don't have a donut maker, but I do have a cake pop maker, hence why mine were the holes.  ;)

Recipe link:  http://paleospirit.com/2012/apple-cider-paleo-donuts/

They were different, but still really good.  I thought they were better after sitting for a couple hours.  I love donuts.  I could easily eat half a container of donut holes in one sitting.  These just don't have that addictive quality to them.  I had three with my breakfast and another one a few hours later.  My three picky kids each had a couple and thought they were quite tasty.  Hubby loved them.  yay!  It was nice to make something kinda fun without feeling guilty. 

My 11th wedding anniversary is this Saturday.  Hubby has the whole night planned and won't tell me anything except that we'll be having champagne and strawberries delivered to our hotel room after dinner.  I'm going to enjoy my anniversary dinner and try to eat as paleo as possible but not worry too much about it either.  I will have a glass of champagne or two and not ream myself  over it.  It's life and I'm not going to let an anniversary stop me from meeting my goals, nor am I going to get all paleo Nazi about it either.  So there!  Enough on that subject.

The workout tonight was rough.  We started off with a little run.  This time we only ran 200 meters, which I could at least run the entire way without stopping.  Then we did squats.  Shocking, I know!   After squats we did kettle bells.  I always thought kettle bells looked fun.  I've seen people use them on the Biggest Loser many times and they didn't seem so bad.   We learned 4 different kettle bell moves.  After the 1st one I was dripping sweat so bad that there was a circle of little drops of sweat all around me on the floor.  I was so very tired.  The next three weren't as exhausting as the 1st was.  After we learned several moves we swung kettle bells for almost 5 minutes, changing positions as we went.   There was a moment I thought I might need to vomit, but I held it together and finished the workout. 

Afterwards I felt great.  I never knew such a "high" existed.  I can't believe how much energy I feel after my workout.  I'm exhausted of course, but there is an energy current that buzzes through my body for a good few hours afterwards.  I love it! 

I was thinking about my food today and realized for the first time in my life....literally......everything I put in my mouth I'm using to fuel my body.  I think about what I need to get through the morning, or my workouts, etc etc and I make smart choices based on what my activities are.  It's something I've been told many times before but for some reason it just all makes sense now.  I don't feel deprived that I can't have X Y and Z, instead I feel joy when I fuel my body with what it needs to thrive.  Food has ruled my life and my choices since I was 8 years old.  For the first time in 25 years, I'm in control of what I put in my mouth and into my body.  I'm letting my food be my fuel.  It's such a simple concept and yet it feels so profound.  I'm so very grateful for the changes I feel in my head and in my heart.  I'm so ready to change my life for good. 

I'm hoping that a day off tomorrow will allow my body to fully recover from this flu and that I can rock Wednesday's workout. 

What I ate today:

Breakfast~2 eggs, 3 slices of bacon, handful of strawberries
snack~2 TBS almond butter, handful of grapes
Lunch~spaghetti squash, ground turkey, salsa, avocado
pre workout snack~ 1/2 banana, 4 oz steak
post workout snack~ 1/2 fudge baby larabar (homemade)
Dinner~spaghetti squash, ground turkey, salsa, avocado