Today's WOD was labeled "Turrible"....in dedication to Charles Barkley. Anyhoo, today's workout was indeed terrible.
It was a total of 9 rounds.
First round was 9 sets of dumbbell thrusters, followed by lunges to the other end of the gym, then 9 box jumps, and lastly bear crawls back to the beginning.
2nd round was 8 sets, and so on and so forth. We got 20 minutes to try and complete all 9 rounds. Derek told our group (I was bunched with the two pregnant women) to start at 7 sets and go down to 1. After just the first couple of rounds my heart rate was sky high and I was finding it hard to catch my breath. By the time I finished my 5th round Derek asked me if I was feeling ok and I told him I was. I mean, I was exhausted, but all in all I was fine. I got down to the last round and the 20 minute mark was fast approaching. Meagan encouraged me to finish my bear crawl back to the beginning and I barely did it. At this point, my emotions just took over and I sat on my knees and just lost it. All the emotion from the last few days with my husband and the emotion from pushing myself past any limit I thought I had, just came pouring out of me.
I was so angry with myself. I HATE CRYING SO FLIPPING MUCH! Derek and Meagan pulled me outside so I could calm down. Derek thought I was crying because I pushed myself too far. It took a few minutes of me just explaining that it wasn't that. I was just proud of myself for doing something I've never ever ever done before! When things get hard, my entire life I've always quit. Literally every single time. For the first time in 33 years, I'm pushing myself despite how hard it is and I'm not quitting. That's extremely emotional for me. The girl who used to turn to cake or pasta when life got hard is now turning to working out and eating right. I finally convinced him and he went back inside. Meagan asked me how everything else in my life was going and I lost it again. I explain the situation with my husband and how I blame myself for his actions. I blame my fatness on him doing what he does. She was very understanding and gave me some great advice. I can't thank her enough. This journey I'm on is hard. I can't put into words just how hard it is.
I drove home and just sobbed the entire time. Once those floodgates were opened, it's hard to pull it back together. I'm exhausted physically and mentally today. I'm thankful that tomorrow I get a bit of a break and will be running instead of going to crossfit.
I will make this lifestyle change. I will become an athlete. I will succeed, I don't care how hard it is.
Showing posts with label dumbbell. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dumbbell. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Friday, April 19, 2013
Humiliated
This has been a very tough week. Losing my grandmother and dealing with my weird flu like issues has taken it's toll on me emotionally. I woke up last night to the worst stomach pain. I just curled up in a ball and cried, it hurt so bad. I wish I knew what was causing it. I don't know if it's some weird stomach bug, or if there is something more serious going on.
I woke up still feeling not quite "normal" but decided to head to CrossFit anyway. After the warm up I could tell my endurance just wasn't there. I had no more pep left. I slowly made it through the skill set, trying to reserve as much energy as I had for the WOD. We had three rounds 21, 15, 9 of dumbbell thrusters and 400 meters of either rowing or running.
I grabbed the 15 lb dumbbells and did my 21 thrusters and realized that they were too heavy. I could see all these small women using 25lbs and up, but unfortunately I'm just not there yet. I set the dumbbells aside and climbed onto the rower. I was able to bust out the 1st 400 meters without too much pain and found myself a lighter pair of dumbbells and did another 15 thrusters. The second round of rowing was much harder. I kept closing my eyes trying to focus on why I was there. I thought about how I'm changing my life, and forcing myself to do something I've always wanted to do. I was pouring sweat by the end of that round. Round three, Megan found me and told me to do my last round of thrusters without taking any stops or breaks. I was starting to get frustrated with myself because about half of the people in my class had already finished and were just standing around waiting for the rest of us. I started to feel self conscious. I finished my thrusters and reluctantly slinked over to the rower for one last 400 meter row. About 100 meters in and everything in my brain told me to stop. I was in too much pain, breathing was becoming difficult, my muscles couldn't pull anymore.............that's when Megan found me again. She stood behind me and kept encouraging me to finish strong. The last 50 meters I could feel the tears well up in my eyes and I tried to blink them back. I finally finished my workout and I just sat on the rower, exhausted and I couldn't force back the tears any longer. I just sat there and sobbed for a good two solid minutes. So many emotions and thoughts were running through my head. Why did I let myself get so out of shape, why couldn't I be better, or stronger, or anything other than what I was. I felt so much self hate at that moment. When I was finally able to stop the tears I turned around and realized the entire class was sitting there waiting for me to get off the effing rower so we could all do a cool down stretch together.
I could feel my face burn with humiliation. Here I was on display for the class while I cried and they sat there waiting for me to finish. Could I be any more of a freaking loser?! I did my cool down stretches and bolted out of there. I sat in my car and cried again. I know I'm only in my 1st month at CrossFit but I'm so ready to be stronger.....mentally and physically.
What I ate today:
Breakfast~bacon and eggs
post workout~small chocolate protein shake
Lunch~greek salad with chicken
Dinner~paleo chicken soup
I woke up still feeling not quite "normal" but decided to head to CrossFit anyway. After the warm up I could tell my endurance just wasn't there. I had no more pep left. I slowly made it through the skill set, trying to reserve as much energy as I had for the WOD. We had three rounds 21, 15, 9 of dumbbell thrusters and 400 meters of either rowing or running.
I grabbed the 15 lb dumbbells and did my 21 thrusters and realized that they were too heavy. I could see all these small women using 25lbs and up, but unfortunately I'm just not there yet. I set the dumbbells aside and climbed onto the rower. I was able to bust out the 1st 400 meters without too much pain and found myself a lighter pair of dumbbells and did another 15 thrusters. The second round of rowing was much harder. I kept closing my eyes trying to focus on why I was there. I thought about how I'm changing my life, and forcing myself to do something I've always wanted to do. I was pouring sweat by the end of that round. Round three, Megan found me and told me to do my last round of thrusters without taking any stops or breaks. I was starting to get frustrated with myself because about half of the people in my class had already finished and were just standing around waiting for the rest of us. I started to feel self conscious. I finished my thrusters and reluctantly slinked over to the rower for one last 400 meter row. About 100 meters in and everything in my brain told me to stop. I was in too much pain, breathing was becoming difficult, my muscles couldn't pull anymore.............that's when Megan found me again. She stood behind me and kept encouraging me to finish strong. The last 50 meters I could feel the tears well up in my eyes and I tried to blink them back. I finally finished my workout and I just sat on the rower, exhausted and I couldn't force back the tears any longer. I just sat there and sobbed for a good two solid minutes. So many emotions and thoughts were running through my head. Why did I let myself get so out of shape, why couldn't I be better, or stronger, or anything other than what I was. I felt so much self hate at that moment. When I was finally able to stop the tears I turned around and realized the entire class was sitting there waiting for me to get off the effing rower so we could all do a cool down stretch together.
I could feel my face burn with humiliation. Here I was on display for the class while I cried and they sat there waiting for me to finish. Could I be any more of a freaking loser?! I did my cool down stretches and bolted out of there. I sat in my car and cried again. I know I'm only in my 1st month at CrossFit but I'm so ready to be stronger.....mentally and physically.
What I ate today:
Breakfast~bacon and eggs
post workout~small chocolate protein shake
Lunch~greek salad with chicken
Dinner~paleo chicken soup
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
The flu from hell....................
I know in my last post I mentioned getting out for a night to celebrate my 11th wedding anniversary....well.....it looks like it's going to be cancelled. Apparently the flu we all had last weekend came back with a vengeance. We haven't been this sick in years. Why did it have to ruin Easter, my anniversary, and wreck havoc on my CrossFit workouts? I know it's out of my hands but it really ticks me off. STUPID FLIPPIN' FLU!
On another note, I'm really starting to enjoy finding and eating new paleo foods. Yesterday I grilled up some turkey burgers and put them on a bed of organic spinach leaves and topped them with slivers of red onion, dill pickle, bacon and avocado slices. I also baked up some homemade sweet potato fries. Mmmmm it was so good! Even the kids liked it.
Despite not feeling very well, the workout was great. We learned about dumbbell squat cleans. Wow, what looks like a fairly simple movement (and it is) is also a great workout. We did several of these and then learned all about pull-ups. Only a couple people in my group can do a regular pull-up, so we learned all sorts of modified ones. After doing several of these we did 5 rounds of dumbbell squat cleans and pull-ups. 12-8-6-4-2
After our workout was complete we talked more about nutrition and how several elements need to be in check for us to succeed as athletes. EXERCISE~NUTRITION~SLEEP~STRESS
If any of those are out of whack, then we fail to get where we need to be. My biggest issue will be the sleep part. I've been an insomniac since I was in grade school. It takes me a good hour to fall asleep on a good night and on a bad night it'll take several hours or I might never fall asleep. It doesn't matter how much I exercise, sleep doesn't come easy for me. Once I'm asleep I'm fine, it's just getting there that's the problem. I've tried EVERYTHING to fix this problem and nothing seems to work that well. We'll see how the sleep thing goes after a few months of CrossFit. I feel like I have the nutrition down. I like it, it's easy, I feel good eating it, I don't feel deprived.......hopefully it stays that way.
Tomorrow we are going to do the same workout we did day one. We're going to see if we can better our time. I didn't complete it because I was having a moment in the bathroom reliving my dinner, so as long as I can finish tomorrow, I'll be very happy. I can't believe bootcamp is just one workout away from being complete!!! It feels good to force myself out of my comfort zone and do something that really means something. It feels good to tell my kids what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. I want them to learn that to change your life takes a lot of courage and effort, but it will pay off and be more rewarding than they could ever imagine. I want my family to see that just because we were raised to love to eat and not exercise doesn't mean that we can't change that about ourselves.
I'm going to have a cup of tea and maybe a square of dark chocolate while I catch up on some tv episodes before heading to bed.
What I ate today:
Breakfast~green smoothie(1 cup packed organic baby spinach, 5 large frozen strawberries, 1 cup of unsweetened vanilla almond milk, 1/2 scoop vanilla whey protein powder, 1 TBS organic chia seeds, stevia)
Lunch~3 cups organic baby spinach, few slices of red onion, dill pickle, avocado, bacon, 8 oz turkey burger, dijon mustard
pre workout snack~1/4 cup sweet potato, 1 turkey sausage
post workout snack~1/2 cup mashed sweet potato, 2 oz ground turkey
Dinner~leftover steak and a big green salad with homemade dressing
On another note, I'm really starting to enjoy finding and eating new paleo foods. Yesterday I grilled up some turkey burgers and put them on a bed of organic spinach leaves and topped them with slivers of red onion, dill pickle, bacon and avocado slices. I also baked up some homemade sweet potato fries. Mmmmm it was so good! Even the kids liked it.
Despite not feeling very well, the workout was great. We learned about dumbbell squat cleans. Wow, what looks like a fairly simple movement (and it is) is also a great workout. We did several of these and then learned all about pull-ups. Only a couple people in my group can do a regular pull-up, so we learned all sorts of modified ones. After doing several of these we did 5 rounds of dumbbell squat cleans and pull-ups. 12-8-6-4-2
After our workout was complete we talked more about nutrition and how several elements need to be in check for us to succeed as athletes. EXERCISE~NUTRITION~SLEEP~STRESS
If any of those are out of whack, then we fail to get where we need to be. My biggest issue will be the sleep part. I've been an insomniac since I was in grade school. It takes me a good hour to fall asleep on a good night and on a bad night it'll take several hours or I might never fall asleep. It doesn't matter how much I exercise, sleep doesn't come easy for me. Once I'm asleep I'm fine, it's just getting there that's the problem. I've tried EVERYTHING to fix this problem and nothing seems to work that well. We'll see how the sleep thing goes after a few months of CrossFit. I feel like I have the nutrition down. I like it, it's easy, I feel good eating it, I don't feel deprived.......hopefully it stays that way.
Tomorrow we are going to do the same workout we did day one. We're going to see if we can better our time. I didn't complete it because I was having a moment in the bathroom reliving my dinner, so as long as I can finish tomorrow, I'll be very happy. I can't believe bootcamp is just one workout away from being complete!!! It feels good to force myself out of my comfort zone and do something that really means something. It feels good to tell my kids what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. I want them to learn that to change your life takes a lot of courage and effort, but it will pay off and be more rewarding than they could ever imagine. I want my family to see that just because we were raised to love to eat and not exercise doesn't mean that we can't change that about ourselves.
I'm going to have a cup of tea and maybe a square of dark chocolate while I catch up on some tv episodes before heading to bed.
What I ate today:
Breakfast~green smoothie(1 cup packed organic baby spinach, 5 large frozen strawberries, 1 cup of unsweetened vanilla almond milk, 1/2 scoop vanilla whey protein powder, 1 TBS organic chia seeds, stevia)
Lunch~3 cups organic baby spinach, few slices of red onion, dill pickle, avocado, bacon, 8 oz turkey burger, dijon mustard
pre workout snack~1/4 cup sweet potato, 1 turkey sausage
post workout snack~1/2 cup mashed sweet potato, 2 oz ground turkey
Dinner~leftover steak and a big green salad with homemade dressing
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Thank you Mother, can I have another?
I can't believe my 1st week at CrossFit is over!!! I made it! I'm still alive! What was just a dream a mere three weeks ago has turned into a full fledged reality. I love it! Bootcamp workout number three was great. I didn't puke and I was able to (almost) keep up with the others. I'm pretty sure our bootcamp workouts aren't as hard as regular WOD's (workout of the day) but I'm not sure.
I realized today as I walked into the box that I wasn't as nervous, I was starting to feel a tiny bit at home and it wasn't such a scary place. Megan saw me almost immediately and yelled out my name and clapped her hands. She was happy I came back. She hasn't seen me since my puke fest on day one. It felt good to have someone happy to have me there.
We started with a warm up of....you guessed it......SQUATS. Oh lordy lordy......I'm starting to think they'll be the death of me. After squats we got dumbbells and did some exercises where we held them at our shoulders, elbows pointing forward, we'd do a quick, mini squat and jump up and thrust the dumbbells straight above our heads. I can't remember the name for them. I didn't get the lightest dumbbells, which were 5 lbs each, but I did get the 8 lb ones. One guy got 40 lb dumbells!! We did exactly 372.8 thrusts.....well......it felt like it. Afterwards we got out the rowing machines. Those looked nice and easy. I'm starting to realize quickly that there isn't ANYTHING nice and easy when it comes to CrossFit.
We got a short lesson on form and then we were told to keep our rowing at a certain speed. They all have digital monitors on them so we could see how fast we were going. Derek yelled at us to go faster. We held that new speed for a couple minutes and then he told us to go even faster! My upper arms and shoulders felt like they were going to burst into flames. Sweat was pouring down the sides of my face and my left heel kept slipping out of my shoe with each thrust. It's amazing how itchy dripping sweat can be when you can't take the time to wipe it away. After killing ourselves on the rowing machines we were able to take a quick water break.
As the group finished our 1 minute break we were told to get into teams of two. A nice girl ( I wish I knew her name) offered to be in my group. We had to row 250 meters, then jump off the machine and do 12 dumbbell thrusts before the other person could start rowing. We each did 3 sets of both exercises and we raced all the other teams. Derek pulled me aside and told me to do 200 meters on the rowing machine. He didn't say, if I wanted to, he told me that's what he wanted me to do, so I followed his instruction. I'm glad I did. That workout pushed me literally to my very limit. I think that if I had to row that extra 50 meters all three rounds I wouldn't have been able to finish. Our team came in last, but only by about 5 seconds. Everyone cheered everyone else on and when we all finished we gave each other high fives.
I felt so powerful tonight. I was living my dream. I was following through with something. I was DOING IT!!! Afterwards I met up with my sister. She lives several hours away and I only see her a few times a year. We met up and we went to a Mexican restaurant so I could eat since I was famished. I ordered a taco salad with no shell, no cheese, and no sour cream. I asked for guacamole and salsa instead and got shredded beef for my protein. It was so delicious. I washed it down with an ice water and felt like a million bucks. I didn't eat any chips and salsa and it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be to say no. I got a workout in, and went out to eat without cheating, what a great day! I'm looking forward to having 3 days off to rest and just enjoy my family during the Easter holiday. I'll blog again after next Monday's workout. =)
What I ate today:
breakfast~2 eggs, 2 slices of bacon, 1 cup fresh pineapple
snack~1 square of dark chocolate and 1 TBS almond butter
lunch~paleo banana pancakes
dinner~taco salad
I realized today as I walked into the box that I wasn't as nervous, I was starting to feel a tiny bit at home and it wasn't such a scary place. Megan saw me almost immediately and yelled out my name and clapped her hands. She was happy I came back. She hasn't seen me since my puke fest on day one. It felt good to have someone happy to have me there.
We started with a warm up of....you guessed it......SQUATS. Oh lordy lordy......I'm starting to think they'll be the death of me. After squats we got dumbbells and did some exercises where we held them at our shoulders, elbows pointing forward, we'd do a quick, mini squat and jump up and thrust the dumbbells straight above our heads. I can't remember the name for them. I didn't get the lightest dumbbells, which were 5 lbs each, but I did get the 8 lb ones. One guy got 40 lb dumbells!! We did exactly 372.8 thrusts.....well......it felt like it. Afterwards we got out the rowing machines. Those looked nice and easy. I'm starting to realize quickly that there isn't ANYTHING nice and easy when it comes to CrossFit.
We got a short lesson on form and then we were told to keep our rowing at a certain speed. They all have digital monitors on them so we could see how fast we were going. Derek yelled at us to go faster. We held that new speed for a couple minutes and then he told us to go even faster! My upper arms and shoulders felt like they were going to burst into flames. Sweat was pouring down the sides of my face and my left heel kept slipping out of my shoe with each thrust. It's amazing how itchy dripping sweat can be when you can't take the time to wipe it away. After killing ourselves on the rowing machines we were able to take a quick water break.
As the group finished our 1 minute break we were told to get into teams of two. A nice girl ( I wish I knew her name) offered to be in my group. We had to row 250 meters, then jump off the machine and do 12 dumbbell thrusts before the other person could start rowing. We each did 3 sets of both exercises and we raced all the other teams. Derek pulled me aside and told me to do 200 meters on the rowing machine. He didn't say, if I wanted to, he told me that's what he wanted me to do, so I followed his instruction. I'm glad I did. That workout pushed me literally to my very limit. I think that if I had to row that extra 50 meters all three rounds I wouldn't have been able to finish. Our team came in last, but only by about 5 seconds. Everyone cheered everyone else on and when we all finished we gave each other high fives.
I felt so powerful tonight. I was living my dream. I was following through with something. I was DOING IT!!! Afterwards I met up with my sister. She lives several hours away and I only see her a few times a year. We met up and we went to a Mexican restaurant so I could eat since I was famished. I ordered a taco salad with no shell, no cheese, and no sour cream. I asked for guacamole and salsa instead and got shredded beef for my protein. It was so delicious. I washed it down with an ice water and felt like a million bucks. I didn't eat any chips and salsa and it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be to say no. I got a workout in, and went out to eat without cheating, what a great day! I'm looking forward to having 3 days off to rest and just enjoy my family during the Easter holiday. I'll blog again after next Monday's workout. =)
What I ate today:
breakfast~2 eggs, 2 slices of bacon, 1 cup fresh pineapple
snack~1 square of dark chocolate and 1 TBS almond butter
lunch~paleo banana pancakes
dinner~taco salad
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