Ohhh it BURNS!

Today was a butt kicker.  I think I sweat more today than I ever have in my life.  I'm exhausted, but need to get the kids some lunch and then I will be heading off to donate plasma.  I need more money, YO!

Our wam up was line drills.  Long jumps, lunges, inch worms, blah blah, blah back and forth across the gym. 

Our skill set was various kettle bell moves and then practicing pistol squats.

 

 

 

I am no where near light enough or strong enough to do this move.  I had to use the olympic rings to hold onto while practicing these hellish squats.  These freaking BURN!

 

 

Our WOD was  a 10 minute AMRAP. 

 

5 pistol squats on each leg or for those who are not strong enough ( umm ME!) we did 20 lunges

 

7 kettle bell snatches with each arm

 

10 ab rollers

 

 

I love the kettle bell snatches.  They make me feel strong and powerful.  I hate lunges, they make me feel like I want to karate chop the trainers in the neck.  The ab roller is SO much harder than it looks.  We did them on Tuesday and my abs are still sore.

 

 

After our WOD we some other various moves and if we didn't do them properly we'd have to do burpees.  Ummmmm we all owed burpees because we were so tired from the WOD.  blah

 

 

I'm SO thankful it's Friday.  I will run tomorrow and just rest and relax with my family on Sunday.  

Fran Pictures

So I told you they pulled out the blasted camera and took pictures.  I decided that instead of freaking out about how fat I looked in the pictures, I'm going to relish them because someday when I've reached my destination I can look through all the pictures and see just how far I've really come.  I'm the big one, with the black pants and green shirt......the one with the double ass.  ;)


So this first picture is us listening to Derek while he showed us the proper form to do the thrusters.

Here I was resting between hollow rocks and barbell push presses.



Me and my thick thighs waiting to do the push presses.

Here I am doing thrusters for Fran.

I use the rings to do my modified pull-ups.

Wanting to die, my arms hurt so bad!

I tucked my shirt into my pants because when my arms go above my head my shirt comes up and exposes my nasty Pillsbury belly.  Ew!

 

I feel so exposed having these pics out there floating around cyber space.  On the other hand it's also great motivation for me to keep going, because I hate the way I look and this makes me want to stay on the path to health and fitness.

Balls

I had quite the battle in my head today and didn't want to go to class.  I did and I didn't.  I kept hearing voices saying that I wasn't good enough, it was going to be too hard, I was going to fail.  On the same note, I'd also hear that I could do it, it would be worth the hard work, I'm getting stronger.  Back and forth all morning.  I felt like I was going crazy!  I ended up going and I'm glad I did.

We started off doing a 400 meter run.  I was able to run with the group the entire time!!!!!! ME!  The fat girl!!  A few people passed me but for the most part I was right in the middle of the group the entire way.  YAY!!  Coach D (Derek) told me he could tell I was getting stronger and I can't even tell you how much I needed to hear that today. 

After running we got a partner and tossed heavy medicine balls back and forth to each other.  Next we got on the floor and locked feed together and one person would grab the ball lift it over their head while their back was on the floor then sit up and hand the ball to their partner.....it sorta resembled a teeter totter when we got the hang of it. 

Next we did back squats and hollow rocks.  This was my 1st time doing back squats.  We used a barbell and added weights to both sides.  Then we put the bar on the back of our necks and did deep squats.  I had a bit of trouble with the form, but in the end I felt like I got the hang of it. 

  This 8 second video gives you an idea of what hollow rocks are.  http://gymnasticswod.com/content/hollow-rock

Our WOD was 150 wall balls with a partner.  One person held a chin up position while the other person did as many wall balls as they could.  Then we'd switch.  They were so tough!!!  By the end I could feel my heart was racing and catching my breath seemed difficult. 

We had a long cool down and stretch session which felt horrible and amazing all at the same time.  It's painful and yet it feels great.....CrossFit is full of contradictions it seems. 

Hubby and I will be working on building our back patio this weekend, I'll be shocked if we complete it.  At least I know I'll be getting a great workout both days.

I need to eat some lunch before I go grocery shopping or I'll end up buying something I'll deeply regret.  Hope everyone has a lovely weekend.

Less Is More

My grandmother's memorial was very beautiful.  I'm sad she's gone from us but feel peace knowing she's with her Savior.

I didn't eat the best this weekend.  I had my parents and sister over for dinner Friday night.  We ate grilled chicken and sausages, a big green salad, a pasta salad,  and for dessert we had pound cake with homemade strawberry and huckleberry sauce to drizzle over.  Saturday was the memorial and I ended up eating a cookie and 2 pieces of cheese during the gathering afterwards.  We skipped lunch and were all starving.  Later in the evening my brother, sister and I all went out to eat.  As we sat down we realized it was the first time all three of us had done anything together since becoming adults.  How strange and sad.  We had a good time.  We ate delicious Greek food and finished off our meal with a square of baklava.  Mmmmmm!!  Do I feel guilty about not staying strictly Paleo.....not really. 

Yesterday after church we took the kids and the dog and went on a 3 mile hike.  It wasn't some sissy hike, it was an intense, fairly steep hike up to the top of a ridge and then a steep trek back to the bottom.  It took us about 2 hours.  We were all pretty wiped out.  I was proud of the kids for making it all the way and I was proud of myself for sticking to it.  About halfway up my husband suggested to turn around and go down and I told him that none of us are handicapped and have no reason why we couldn't complete the entire hike.  I think he was surprised and pleased I kept going.

I did get to attend my CrossFit class today. HURRAY!!!!  One of the trainers pulled me aside and asked if I did the burpee workout they emailed me.  I told him I did and that I also added a smaller kettle bell workout to it and finished up with 25 more burpees.  He looked a little frustrated and then told me that I was doing too much.  He said that less was more and what I did wasn't necessary.  I wanted to lift up my shirt and grab all my extra flab, shake it in his face and say, really?!?!?!?  It sure feels necessary when I'm such a fattie still.  I was a little hurt because I felt like I really pushed myself last week to get in some great workouts despite not being able to make it into class.  I have a super hard time when people criticize how I do things.   I tend to retreat inward and shy away from them.  He wasn't mean about it, he was just upfront and straight to the point.  Apparently when he tells me to do 50 burpees that's it.....I'm not to add or change the workouts given.  I need to suck it up and and not let his critique damped my spirit.  Now I know and I won't make that mistake again.

Today was hard.  We started off doing various types of lunges, most of which I'd never heard of before.  One was called the spider-man lunge.....it was definitely my favorite. 

We did lunges back and for across the gym for about 5 full minutes.  My legs were burning and quivering by the end.  Next we split up and did the skill sets.  The advanced group went with Jonathan and the rest went with Megan.  Megan had us grab a set of bars that were about 8 inches off the ground.  We were to hold onto them and lift our bodies off the floor for 10 seconds and then rest for 20 seconds.  I wasn't able to lift my entire body off the floor.  My heels still touched, but I at least was holding about 75% of my body weight off the floor.  We did that over and over and over and over.  I don't know how many rounds we did.  It felt like an eternity.  Next we grabbed kettle bells and did 10 rounds of 8 squats while holding the bell to our chests and then 5 kettle bell rows with each arm. 

By the end I looked like I dunked my head under water.  Sweat was pouring off my face and my hair was matted and sticking to my wet face and neck.  All my muscles were shaky and burning.  It's only because others were there and I had accountability that I didn't leave and go home at that point.  I didn't want to do the WOD, I was flippin' tired!!

We had about a 5 minute break and then started our WOD.  We started off with 2 minutes of burpees and then did 3 rounds of  
10 push ups

10 box jumps ( I did box step ups)

10 kettle bell swings over head

and then we finished off with another 2 minutes of burpees.


Those last two minutes of burpees felt like a living hell.  My body is so heavy that going to the floor and back up over and over is absolute torture!  I finished though and was super glad I didn't cry even though I felt like it.  I just wanted to sit in the corner and bawl my eyes out.  Afterwards we all did a cool down while rolling our muscles out on some foam rollers.  I caught one young gal looking at me.  I actually caught her several times.  I immediately looked down away from her eyes, I don't like people looking at me.  I looked down at my legs and saw just how fat my thighs were.  Was she looking at me because I am a fattie?  I always assume the worst case scenario.  Oh well.  I'm not there for them, I'm there for me.  I'm anxious to start seeing some big results in my weight and size.  Is it too much to ask to just wake up tomorrow and be thin?  Hehe 

What I'm eating today:

Breakfast~chocolate protein shake

after workout~turkey vegetable soup

Lunch~salad with homemade dressing and grilled chicken

Dinner~paleo stuffed peppers and sweet potato fries

Frightened Fatty does CrossFit bootcamp #4

Here I thought I'd be able to enjoy a nice three day break from my workouts, boy was I wrong.  Our entire family came down with the flu.  Coughing, fevers, congestion, we all felt miserable.  We cancelled Easter dinner with my parents and just stayed home.  For once in my life, I fared better than the rest.  I'm wondering if all my clean eating, and overall treatment of my body, made my symptoms not so severe.  hmmmm 

I made a yummy Easter breakfast that was still paleo.  I scrambed up some eggs, bacon, fresh strawberries, grapes, and made some paleo  apple cider donut holes. I don't have a donut maker, but I do have a cake pop maker, hence why mine were the holes.  ;)

Recipe link:  http://paleospirit.com/2012/apple-cider-paleo-donuts/

They were different, but still really good.  I thought they were better after sitting for a couple hours.  I love donuts.  I could easily eat half a container of donut holes in one sitting.  These just don't have that addictive quality to them.  I had three with my breakfast and another one a few hours later.  My three picky kids each had a couple and thought they were quite tasty.  Hubby loved them.  yay!  It was nice to make something kinda fun without feeling guilty. 

My 11th wedding anniversary is this Saturday.  Hubby has the whole night planned and won't tell me anything except that we'll be having champagne and strawberries delivered to our hotel room after dinner.  I'm going to enjoy my anniversary dinner and try to eat as paleo as possible but not worry too much about it either.  I will have a glass of champagne or two and not ream myself  over it.  It's life and I'm not going to let an anniversary stop me from meeting my goals, nor am I going to get all paleo Nazi about it either.  So there!  Enough on that subject.

The workout tonight was rough.  We started off with a little run.  This time we only ran 200 meters, which I could at least run the entire way without stopping.  Then we did squats.  Shocking, I know!   After squats we did kettle bells.  I always thought kettle bells looked fun.  I've seen people use them on the Biggest Loser many times and they didn't seem so bad.   We learned 4 different kettle bell moves.  After the 1st one I was dripping sweat so bad that there was a circle of little drops of sweat all around me on the floor.  I was so very tired.  The next three weren't as exhausting as the 1st was.  After we learned several moves we swung kettle bells for almost 5 minutes, changing positions as we went.   There was a moment I thought I might need to vomit, but I held it together and finished the workout. 

Afterwards I felt great.  I never knew such a "high" existed.  I can't believe how much energy I feel after my workout.  I'm exhausted of course, but there is an energy current that buzzes through my body for a good few hours afterwards.  I love it! 

I was thinking about my food today and realized for the first time in my life....literally......everything I put in my mouth I'm using to fuel my body.  I think about what I need to get through the morning, or my workouts, etc etc and I make smart choices based on what my activities are.  It's something I've been told many times before but for some reason it just all makes sense now.  I don't feel deprived that I can't have X Y and Z, instead I feel joy when I fuel my body with what it needs to thrive.  Food has ruled my life and my choices since I was 8 years old.  For the first time in 25 years, I'm in control of what I put in my mouth and into my body.  I'm letting my food be my fuel.  It's such a simple concept and yet it feels so profound.  I'm so very grateful for the changes I feel in my head and in my heart.  I'm so ready to change my life for good. 

I'm hoping that a day off tomorrow will allow my body to fully recover from this flu and that I can rock Wednesday's workout. 

What I ate today:

Breakfast~2 eggs, 3 slices of bacon, handful of strawberries
snack~2 TBS almond butter, handful of grapes
Lunch~spaghetti squash, ground turkey, salsa, avocado
pre workout snack~ 1/2 banana, 4 oz steak
post workout snack~ 1/2 fudge baby larabar (homemade)
Dinner~spaghetti squash, ground turkey, salsa, avocado

Thank you Mother, can I have another?

I can't believe my 1st week at CrossFit is over!!!  I made it!  I'm still alive!  What was just a dream a mere three weeks ago has turned into a full fledged reality.  I love it!  Bootcamp workout number three was great.  I didn't puke and I was able to (almost) keep up with the others.  I'm pretty sure our bootcamp workouts aren't as hard as regular WOD's (workout of the day) but I'm not sure. 

I realized today as I walked into the box that I wasn't as nervous, I was starting to feel a tiny bit at home and it wasn't such a scary place.  Megan saw me almost immediately and yelled out my name and clapped her hands.  She was happy I came back.  She hasn't seen me since my puke fest on day one.  It felt good to have someone happy to have me there. 

We started with a warm up of....you guessed it......SQUATS.  Oh lordy lordy......I'm starting to think they'll be the death of me.  After squats we got dumbbells and did some exercises where we held them at our shoulders, elbows pointing forward, we'd do a quick, mini squat and jump up and thrust the dumbbells straight above our heads.  I can't remember the name for them.  I didn't get the lightest dumbbells, which were 5 lbs each, but I did get the 8 lb ones.  One guy got 40 lb dumbells!!  We did exactly 372.8 thrusts.....well......it felt like it.  Afterwards we got out the rowing machines.  Those looked nice and easy.  I'm starting to realize quickly that there isn't ANYTHING nice and easy when it comes to CrossFit.

We got a short lesson on form and then we were told to keep our rowing at a certain speed.  They all have digital monitors on them so we could see how fast we were going.  Derek yelled at us to go faster.  We held that new speed for a couple minutes and then he told us to go even faster!  My upper arms and shoulders felt like they were going to burst into flames.  Sweat was pouring down the sides of my face and my left heel kept slipping out of my shoe with each thrust.  It's amazing how itchy dripping sweat can be when you can't take the time to wipe it away.  After killing ourselves on the rowing machines we were able to take a quick water break. 

As the group finished our 1 minute break we were told to get into teams of two.  A nice girl ( I wish I knew her name) offered to be in my group.  We had to row 250 meters, then jump off the machine and do 12 dumbbell thrusts before the other person could start rowing.  We each did 3 sets of both exercises and we raced all the other teams.  Derek pulled me aside and told me to do 200 meters on the rowing machine.  He didn't say, if I wanted to, he told me that's what he wanted me to do, so I followed his instruction.  I'm glad I did.  That workout pushed me literally to my very limit.  I think that if I had to row that extra 50 meters all three rounds I wouldn't have been able to finish.  Our team came in last, but only by about 5 seconds.  Everyone cheered everyone else on and when we all finished we  gave each other high fives. 

I felt so powerful tonight.  I was living my dream.  I was following through with something.  I was DOING IT!!!  Afterwards I met up with my sister.  She lives several hours away and I only see her a few times a year.  We met up and we went to a Mexican restaurant so I could eat since I was famished.  I ordered a taco salad with no shell, no cheese, and no sour cream.  I asked for guacamole and salsa instead and got shredded beef for my protein.  It was so delicious.  I washed it down with an ice water and felt like a million bucks.  I didn't eat any chips and salsa and it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be to say no.  I got a workout in, and went out to eat without cheating, what a great day!    I'm looking forward to having 3 days off to rest and just enjoy my family during the Easter holiday.  I'll blog again after next Monday's workout.  =)


What I ate today:
breakfast~2 eggs, 2 slices of bacon, 1 cup fresh pineapple
snack~1 square of dark chocolate and 1 TBS almond butter
lunch~paleo banana pancakes
dinner~taco salad

My 2nd CrossFit bootcamp workout......

Well I must say my 2nd workout was MUCH better than my 1st.  I didn't puke.  I didn't cry.  I actually finished my entire workout.  woohoo!  Last night we started off with more squats.  Then we squatted again.  Then we squatted all the way down....to where your rear is just a fraction of an inch above the ground.  I can't personally go that far down because of all the excess fat on my stomach and thighs, but I did the best I could.  We held this squat for 3 or 4 minutes while Derek was yapping about the importance of squats.  I couldn't hold it.....I kept standing back up to rub my burning ham hocks.  He eventually had me hold onto a support beam while I was in a deep squat to help me from falling over.  He told us that we need to practice deep squats at home for about 5 minutes a day...basically sitting in a squat for a solid 5 minutes without standing up.  Good grief!  He told me to start off just doing 60 seconds at a time and holding onto a doorknob to keep from falling over and to slowing extend my time as I got better at it and then to eventually not hold onto anything.

After panting from our squats we moved onto dead lifts.  Of course these involve squats as well.  We practiced using metal pipes that will eventually have weights added to them.  We did several of these as Derek watched our form.  I love that all the CrossFit instructors are really big on form.  That really sets my mind at ease.  I don't want to get injured by doing these moves wrong and I feel better knowing they're watching me and letting me know when I'm doing it wrong. 

Next we move onto kettle bell dead lifts.....again......it includes squats.  We do several of these we all can feel our thighs quivering from exhaustion.  We follow up the kettle bell dead lifts with burpees, which I now see are slightly different than down and ups.  I'm tired, all my muscles are quivering and I'm ready to go home. Derek lets us take a quick water break and then it's time to start our workout.  Derek pulls me aside and lets me know that we'll be doing 4 rounds of 10 kettle bell dead lifts and 30 seconds of burpees, but that I can just do the kettle bells if I want.  I tell him thanks, but am thinking, HELL NO!  I came to CrossFit to push myself all the way and I'm not going to sit out on anything.  Nope nope nope.  I appreciate him trying to take it easy on me, but I need to prove to myself that I have the will to get through anything. 

I got through all 4 rounds.  I did a modified burpee, and could only do about 5 each 30 second round, but at least I tried and I gave it my all.  Afterwards we were all dripping with sweat and were panting like dogs.  It felt great!!!!!  We talked more about nutrition and went into depth on Paleo eating.  I stood there listening and just felt at peace.  As if I finally found what I've always been looking for.  This is where I want to be, these people are the type of people I want in my life, and my life is never going to be the same from this point on.  If I had the energy and the capability I would've done cartwheels all the way home. 

I go again today for my 3rd bootcamp workout of the week.  I'll get 3 days off to rest and enjoy Easter with my family before we start up again. 

What I ate yesterday:
Breakfast~2 eggs, 2 slices of bacon, 1 cup fresh pineapple, 1 cup of coffee
snack~handful of organic unsulfered dehydrated apples
lunch~1/3 cup sweet potato, 4 oz of ground turkey
snack~green salad with 2 oz of leftover steak and homemade oil and vin dressing
dinner~7 oz ground turkey patty, large green salad w/ homemade dressing
snack~1 TBS almond butter and 1 square of 72% dark chocolate

Frightened Fatty Gets Her First Taste Of Crossfit

Frightened Fatty Starts Crossfit

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello world.  I'm a 33 year old wife and mother of 3 kids who is a fatty.  I have been overweight since I was 8 years old.  I didn't get to be "huge" until after I started having kids.  I'm super shy and being a bigger person, I tend to hide out in the background and lurk in the shadows.  It feels like a cliche to say I've tried every diet and exercise regime known to man, but it's true.  I found myself at the bottom of a very deep and very dark pit and I'm ready to do whatever it takes to climb out.


I was thinking a couple weeks ago about starting over.  If I could start my life over, knowing what I know today, what would I want to be.  I realized that more than anything I'd like to be an athlete.  Someone who can run a marathon, hike a mountain ridge, or bike through the wilderness.  I want to be strong, agile, lean, and fit.  As I daydreamed about this different life, I had a thought.  Maybe if I started to eat like an athlete, exercise like an athlete, and get the mindset of an athlete, that maybe I could slowly become one.  Once that thought entered my brain I couldn't get it out again.  It was like that tiny spark ignited my entire world.  I started looking online and found Crossfit.  Now those people were ATHLETES!! 



I found a local Crossift online and emailed them.  I explained that I was a 33 yr old mom who has approx 90 lbs to lose.  I was terrified, but wanted to know if they thought I could do crossfit even though I was incredibly out of shape.  They wrote back that day and told me that I absolutely could and to come in and get some more information.  I went in a few days later and talked to Megan.  She was super friendly, gave me a bunch of information and promised that all the exercises could be scaled down, so I could participate.  I went home and signed up that afternoon for Crossfit bootcamp.  It's a two week course, three classes per week. 


Two months ago I decided to give up all sugar and flour from my diet.  I ate meat, eggs, dairy, organic whole grains, beans, nuts, seeds, and lots of vegetables and fruit.  I lost about 12 lbs and felt really good.  It gave me more energy and I felt happier and more alive.  After researching all things Crossfit I saw that most of the athletes ate Paleo.  Paleo was similar to how I had been eating, except they cut out all grains, beans, legumes, and dairy.  I'm super thankful that I changed my diet when I did, because starting Crossfit AND having to change my eating would have been too overwhelming.  I went on pinterest and various other websites and have gathered a ton of yummy Paleo recipes to have in my arsenal. 


Last night was my first Crossfit bootcamp workout.  I was super nervous all day.  It was hard for me to even eat or drink because of how nervous I was.  After watching a gazillion youtube videos and reading countless blogs, I knew that whatever I was in for was going to rock my world.  I tried on my workout clothes and looked in the mirror.  I had on an oversized tshirt that matched my new Merrell shoes.  I had on my biggest, most comfortable pair of workout pants.  I deceided to try a few squats and realized quickly that these pants rode up my rear with each and every squat.  No matter what I did, I had a giant wedgie every time I stood back up.  Dang it!  So I decided to run to Walmart to see if I could find a better option.  I found a pair of Danskin yoga pants.  They passed the squat test, zero wedgies.  Unfortunately these pants were much tighter and clung to every inch of my ham hocks.  I went back to the mirror and turned around so my rear faced the mirror and I turned my head to see my backside in the reflection.  Oh it so wasn't pretty.  I realized that the back of my thighs were so big that they had a bulge on each one.  When standing with my feet together I could see my giant ass and then below it, it looked like a smaller ass as the two bulges were pressed together.  Great.  I got rid of the wedgie problem, but now I had a double ass. 


Crossfitcda (my Crossfit) is located downtown.  It's full of people.  Just parking my car and walking to the box ( that's the term they call it, instead of a gym) was humiliating.  I could feel my face burning with embarrassment as I waddled my way to the box.  Once inside I felt instant panic.  I saw tons of beautiful people.  Most were toned, tight, strong, and super sweaty.  Jonathan saw me looking lost and frightened and pulled me over to a table to sign a waiver form.  As we waited for all the other bootcampers to come in and get settled I tried my best to hide and not be seen.  Although it's kinda hard to do when I'm twice the size of every person in there.  Soon after, the bootcampers and I huddled around Jonathan as he told us about Crossfit and what to expect.  He talked about the food plan and I felt great because I was the only one already eating the approved foods.  One point for me!  Next thing I knew we were told to go on a little run.  RUN!!!!!!  This girl doesn't run!  This girl can walk, she can even speed walk, but RUN?!  We ran around the block.  Me and my two asses behind everyone else, desperately trying to keep up.  I ran the entire way except for the last 200 feet or so.  I tried to slink back into the box without being noticed but I was sucking in air so fast and hard I think everyone in or around that city block saw and heard me. 

Soon they started going over the appropriate way to do a squat.  We did squat after squat after squat, then they told us to do ten more.  My legs felt like they had been lit on fire.  Next we moved onto pushups.  Obviously I can't do regular pushups, but I can do a few girly ones.  After doing several we moved onto the rings.  I can't remember what they were called but you basically hold onto the rings, lean all the way back and pull yourself back up to a standing position using your back and some arm muscles.  Holy moly, my whole body feels like it's going to shut down.  Finally we cover burpees or what they call down and ups.  Again I was showed a modified down and up and I could barely do that.  At this time I'm thinking that class should be wrapping up and I'd be able to go home soon.  WRONG-O!  It's at this point when our instructor says, "Ok now it's time to start your workout".   Sheer panic spread throughout my body.  I wanted to grab my purse and run out of there, never to return.  He said he wanted us to do three rounds of the exercises we just learned, 15 of each, 12 of each, and the 9 of each.  He looked at me and said I could just do 12 of each and then 9 of each.  Oh lucky me.  He started his stopwatch and told us to start.  I tried to pace myself.  12 squats, done......12 girly push ups, done.....12 ring things, done.......4 down and ups and then I couldn't do anymore.  I just stood there panting like a dog and nausea hit me hard.  I ran for the bathroom and puked my guts out.  Then I cleaned myself up and just started to cry.  I felt like such a complete loser.  A moron.  An idiot.  Who did I think I was starting Crossfit when I was such a fatty.  Megan came in the bathroom and brought me a glass of water.  I wiped off the tears and rejoined my group.  Most had finished the workout and a few were busting out the last few exercises.  The instructors came over and patted me on the back and told me it was all going to be ok.  That before I knew it, I'd be stronger and leaner and I'd be able to knock that workout out of the water.  I wanted to punch each and every one of them in the face.  I hated myself for being such a failure.  As I left the box and drove home I bawled.  I cried the entire 15 minutes it took me to get home. 


After a good cry and talking with my husband I started to feel a little bit better.  This is going to be a hard journey for me.  It's going to be embarrassing and humbling.  I'm going to be the biggest and the least fit person there for a very long time, but it's going to get better.  I'm going to get stronger.  I'm going to lean up.  I'm going to succeed in my dream to become an athlete. 

What I ate today:

Breakfast~2 strips of bacon, 2 eggs cooked in coconut oil, and a cup of fresh pineapple.
Snack~ 1/2 of a peanut butter larabar
Lunch~6oz of ground turkey seasoned with onion, garlic, and salt and cooked in coconut oil in a pan, 1 cup of raw carrot sticks.
Dinner~ grilled steak, a salad with homemade olive oil and vinegar dressing, and steamed broccoli