Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Frightened Fatty Gets Her First Taste Of Crossfit

Frightened Fatty Starts Crossfit
Hello world.  I'm a 33 year old wife and mother of 3 kids who is a fatty.  I have been overweight since I was 8 years old.  I didn't get to be "huge" until after I started having kids.  I'm super shy and being a bigger person, I tend to hide out in the background and lurk in the shadows.  It feels like a cliche to say I've tried every diet and exercise regime known to man, but it's true.  I found myself at the bottom of a very deep and very dark pit and I'm ready to do whatever it takes to climb out.

I was thinking a couple weeks ago about starting over.  If I could start my life over, knowing what I know today, what would I want to be.  I realized that more than anything I'd like to be an athlete.  Someone who can run a marathon, hike a mountain ridge, or bike through the wilderness.  I want to be strong, agile, lean, and fit.  As I daydreamed about this different life, I had a thought.  Maybe if I started to eat like an athlete, exercise like an athlete, and get the mindset of an athlete, that maybe I could slowly become one.  Once that thought entered my brain I couldn't get it out again.  It was like that tiny spark ignited my entire world.  I started looking online and found Crossfit.  Now those people were ATHLETES!! 

I found a local Crossift online and emailed them.  I explained that I was a 33 yr old mom who has approx 90 lbs to lose.  I was terrified, but wanted to know if they thought I could do crossfit even though I was incredibly out of shape.  They wrote back that day and told me that I absolutely could and to come in and get some more information.  I went in a few days later and talked to Megan.  She was super friendly, gave me a bunch of information and promised that all the exercises could be scaled down, so I could participate.  I went home and signed up that afternoon for Crossfit bootcamp.  It's a two week course, three classes per week. 

Two months ago I decided to give up all sugar and flour from my diet.  I ate meat, eggs, dairy, organic whole grains, beans, nuts, seeds, and lots of vegetables and fruit.  I lost about 12 lbs and felt really good.  It gave me more energy and I felt happier and more alive.  After researching all things Crossfit I saw that most of the athletes ate Paleo.  Paleo was similar to how I had been eating, except they cut out all grains, beans, legumes, and dairy.  I'm super thankful that I changed my diet when I did, because starting Crossfit AND having to change my eating would have been too overwhelming.  I went on pinterest and various other websites and have gathered a ton of yummy Paleo recipes to have in my arsenal. 

Last night was my first Crossfit bootcamp workout.  I was super nervous all day.  It was hard for me to even eat or drink because of how nervous I was.  After watching a gazillion youtube videos and reading countless blogs, I knew that whatever I was in for was going to rock my world.  I tried on my workout clothes and looked in the mirror.  I had on an oversized tshirt that matched my new Merrell shoes.  I had on my biggest, most comfortable pair of workout pants.  I deceided to try a few squats and realized quickly that these pants rode up my rear with each and every squat.  No matter what I did, I had a giant wedgie every time I stood back up.  Dang it!  So I decided to run to Walmart to see if I could find a better option.  I found a pair of Danskin yoga pants.  They passed the squat test, zero wedgies.  Unfortunately these pants were much tighter and clung to every inch of my ham hocks.  I went back to the mirror and turned around so my rear faced the mirror and I turned my head to see my backside in the reflection.  Oh it so wasn't pretty.  I realized that the back of my thighs were so big that they had a bulge on each one.  When standing with my feet together I could see my giant ass and then below it, it looked like a smaller ass as the two bulges were pressed together.  Great.  I got rid of the wedgie problem, but now I had a double ass. 

Crossfitcda (my Crossfit) is located downtown.  It's full of people.  Just parking my car and walking to the box ( that's the term they call it, instead of a gym) was humiliating.  I could feel my face burning with embarrassment as I waddled my way to the box.  Once inside I felt instant panic.  I saw tons of beautiful people.  Most were toned, tight, strong, and super sweaty.  Jonathan saw me looking lost and frightened and pulled me over to a table to sign a waiver form.  As we waited for all the other bootcampers to come in and get settled I tried my best to hide and not be seen.  Although it's kinda hard to do when I'm twice the size of every person in there.  Soon after, the bootcampers and I huddled around Jonathan as he told us about Crossfit and what to expect.  He talked about the food plan and I felt great because I was the only one already eating the approved foods.  One point for me!  Next thing I knew we were told to go on a little run.  RUN!!!!!!  This girl doesn't run!  This girl can walk, she can even speed walk, but RUN?!  We ran around the block.  Me and my two asses behind everyone else, desperately trying to keep up.  I ran the entire way except for the last 200 feet or so.  I tried to slink back into the box without being noticed but I was sucking in air so fast and hard I think everyone in or around that city block saw and heard me. 

Soon they started going over the appropriate way to do a squat.  We did squat after squat after squat, then they told us to do ten more.  My legs felt like they had been lit on fire.  Next we moved onto pushups.  Obviously I can't do regular pushups, but I can do a few girly ones.  After doing several we moved onto the rings.  I can't remember what they were called but you basically hold onto the rings, lean all the way back and pull yourself back up to a standing position using your back and some arm muscles.  Holy moly, my whole body feels like it's going to shut down.  Finally we cover burpees or what they call down and ups.  Again I was showed a modified down and up and I could barely do that.  At this time I'm thinking that class should be wrapping up and I'd be able to go home soon.  WRONG-O!  It's at this point when our instructor says, "Ok now it's time to start your workout".   Sheer panic spread throughout my body.  I wanted to grab my purse and run out of there, never to return.  He said he wanted us to do three rounds of the exercises we just learned, 15 of each, 12 of each, and the 9 of each.  He looked at me and said I could just do 12 of each and then 9 of each.  Oh lucky me.  He started his stopwatch and told us to start.  I tried to pace myself.  12 squats, done......12 girly push ups, done.....12 ring things, done.......4 down and ups and then I couldn't do anymore.  I just stood there panting like a dog and nausea hit me hard.  I ran for the bathroom and puked my guts out.  Then I cleaned myself up and just started to cry.  I felt like such a complete loser.  A moron.  An idiot.  Who did I think I was starting Crossfit when I was such a fatty.  Megan came in the bathroom and brought me a glass of water.  I wiped off the tears and rejoined my group.  Most had finished the workout and a few were busting out the last few exercises.  The instructors came over and patted me on the back and told me it was all going to be ok.  That before I knew it, I'd be stronger and leaner and I'd be able to knock that workout out of the water.  I wanted to punch each and every one of them in the face.  I hated myself for being such a failure.  As I left the box and drove home I bawled.  I cried the entire 15 minutes it took me to get home. 

After a good cry and talking with my husband I started to feel a little bit better.  This is going to be a hard journey for me.  It's going to be embarrassing and humbling.  I'm going to be the biggest and the least fit person there for a very long time, but it's going to get better.  I'm going to get stronger.  I'm going to lean up.  I'm going to succeed in my dream to become an athlete. 

What I ate today:

Breakfast~2 strips of bacon, 2 eggs cooked in coconut oil, and a cup of fresh pineapple.
Snack~ 1/2 of a peanut butter larabar
Lunch~6oz of ground turkey seasoned with onion, garlic, and salt and cooked in coconut oil in a pan, 1 cup of raw carrot sticks.
Dinner~ grilled steak, a salad with homemade olive oil and vinegar dressing, and steamed broccoli