I didn't sleep well last night. I woke up with a sore throat. It's overcast and staying curled up in bed sounded lovely. BUT I still got up and got my plump behind to CrossFit. I fought with myself about it all morning. I'm glad I'm starting to listen to the "angel" voice more than the "devil" voice. The more I force myself to go the more I realize that I can do this. I can become an athlete. I can take control of my life. I can become the person I've always wanted to be.
I was talking with my mom on the phone this morning and I told her that I feel like I'm stronger mentally.....more than I ever remember. She told me that she felt like I'm finally becoming the person I was meant to be. That statement made me feel great and awful all at the same time. Great because it feels good to be doing what I was born to do, and yet awful because I've wasted 33 years. I know what you are thinking, YOU CAN'T DWELL ON THE PAST. THE PAST IS THE PAST. You are right.
I saw this quote on another blog yesterday and it really resonated with me.
I've had a few people tell me how brave I was for changing my life and starting crossfit. It bothers me a bit because I don't feel brave, I don't feel like I have any courage. But this quote kind of brought it all home for me. Maybe courage isn't being fearless.....maybe it's just continually trying and working towards your goals despite the occasional obstacle.
Today's warm up was two rounds of running 200 meters, 8 ring rows, and 8 toes to bar. I did (what I think are called) V-ups instead. I've been reading some info on running. I wanted to see if I could find any tips on how to do it more efficiently. Today I tried to slow it down just a smidge and lengthen my stride. It felt a little better. Megan told me that my running looked better today, so maybe I'm actually doing something right! Speaking of running......I'll be going to Boise in Nov to visit my sister. I'm flying in on Halloween and staying a few nights. I'm going to run my first 5K while there. I'm super excited and totally freaked out. It definitely gives me something to work towards in the mean time.
Our skill set was weighted pull-ups. Again, can't really do pull-ups, so I did 5 rounds of 5 negative pull-ups on the rings. I've never used my muscles so much in my life. I've worked out throughout the years, but never really with weights or weight related exercises. It's pretty much been pure cardio. Cardio was never really tough. I might get tired or winded, but it was never "hard". I never felt like I was going to die. I pretty much feel like I'm going to die each and every time I set foot in my crossfit.
Our WOD was 4 rounds of rowing 500 meters. Again we couldn't get less than a 3 second difference in our times or we'd have to do 25 burpees. Oh my flippin word. I remember the pain and agony I felt last Wednesday, and it was back to haunt me again. It's funny the thoughts that run through your brain when you get scared.....maybe I should fake an injury, maybe I could sneak out and no one would notice, maybe I could row only three rounds and not tell anyone.....the list goes on and on. My first round I clocked in at 2 min 14 seconds.
2nd round: 2 min 9 seconds
3rd round: 2 min 15 seconds
4th round: can't remember
I know I didn't owe any burpees so I was at least 2 min 17 seconds.
During my 4th round I stopped for about 3 seconds to catch my breath and relieve my burning legs and arms. Megan came up behind me and told me to keep going. Ugh! I started up again and my shoe fell off. Instead of stopping again I just kept pulling as hard as I possibly could. I finished. I grabbed my shoe and sat down and tried desperately to catch my breath. Everything hurt, everything ached, my body is so not used to this type of torture.
I'm beyond thankful I didn't owe any burpees. I think I would've burst into tears if I did. I did cry on my way home....AGAIN. I'm confused why crossfit makes me cry so much. Oh well. As I drove home I passed the grocery store, and as I drove by I saw the reader board highlight their sale on donuts. Dear Jesus, help me! I drove right on by, got home and collapsed on the couch. I did it. I finished another grueling workout.