Thursday, January 23, 2014

hurtful phone call and a biopsy

I have a large cluster of cysts under my left breast and got much bigger once I started crossfit.  I'm guessing because of the irritation of the sports bras.  Anyway I had some a few years ago and had them surgically removed about 1 1/2 yrs ago.  Unfortunately they've come back with a vengeance.  They are incredibly tender and hurt ALL the time.  My husband and I cannot afford health insurance but we do have a family Dr. who we pay a couple hundred dollars a month to and in turn we can see him as many times as we want at no charge.  He can do basic minor surgeries, cast a broken bone, and do many things that most general practitioners can't do.  He's the Dr. that removed my cysts the first time.  ANYWAY I went to see him a couple weeks ago about these new ones and he said that he couldn't do the surgery because it was too big and now there was too much scar tissue for him to remove them safely in the office.  He found a surgeon who was willing to help me at a discount and I went to see him yesterday. 

He said that  in order to treat the cysts properly he needed to do a biopsy on a couple of them and send them off to a lab.  That way he'll know exactly what he's dealing with and how to properly fix the problem. 

So I agree to have him do the biopsy right then so we could get the ball rolling.  I had NO idea it was going to be that painful or bloody!  Now the biopsies I've heard of involved a long slender needle being injected and a small amount of fluid/tissue would be extracted.  Since my cysts are not filled with fluid he had to use a biopsy plug. 
That is a tortue device if ever there was one.  OUCH to the mother freaking 10th degree!  He had to take two tissue samples and blood literally was pouring down the left side of my body.   My heart was beating a million miles a minute and felt like it was going to explode out of my chest.  I'm nervous to hear what we find out.  He did say that to do surgery would cost me at least $5000 and the biopsy alone was $500.  FUDGE!  I hate never having enough money. 
So needless to say today I'm sore, grouchy and feeling uber depressed.  I got a phone call this morning from the secretary of our family Dr.  She said it was time for me to come in and get an updated tetanus shot,check my cholesterol levels, and to see if I've done anything about being morbidly obese.  Then she gave me a lecture about how being obese increases the odds of developing diabetes.  As soon as I got off the phone I just burst into tears.  I feel like I've been working my tail off at changing my eating and exercising.  She just came across as completely uncompassionate and rude. 
I'm almost 10 months into crossfit and today I just felt like a big fat failure.  Am I ever going to get my body in shape?  Will my hard work ever pay off? 
To top off  the fun times, my husband starts his night job next week.  I'm scared of my life being ripped apart at the seams.  My health, financial, marriage, etc. 
Here's hoping for something positive to happen.  I don't know how much more of this I can take.