Friday, May 24, 2013

Running, donuts and crying

Have I ever mentioned that I hate running?  I have?  Well I'm going to say it again, I HATE RUNNINGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Like super hate it.  Ugh!  Today was a very very tough day for me at crossfitcda. 

Let me start off by saying that I can't afford a crossfit membership unless I clean house for my parents twice a month and donate plasma.  Donating plasma definitely wipes me out.  So I'm not sure if today was so hard because I gave plasma yesterday or if it was just really hard in general. 

We started off with a 400 meter run and then did all sorts of different lunges back and forth across the gym floor.  I watch the other people and it just seems to easy for them.  I wonder how well they'd do these exercises if they had 90 pounds of extra flesh on their bodies.  It irritates me that some of the moves we do are literally impossible for me because of my extra weight.  The padding keeps me from contorting my body in the way I want.  I must say that I didn't really notice before I started crossfit, just how much my fat gets in the way.  The more I'm there, the more angry I get that I ever let myself get to this point.  I know I know......eventually it'll come off, I understand that.  I really do, but for now I'm angry and frustrated.

Our skill set today was front squats with a barbell and adding weight to it with each set that we did.  The way I had to hold my arms seemed very awkward to me.  This movement definitely didn't come naturally for me.  It's been fun to learn all these new movements.  I kind of feel like a bit of a bad ass when I use the barbell.  haha 

Our WOD was to run 800 meters, then do three rounds of

15 ring dips (I did push ups)

20 walking lunges

after you did three rounds of those then you finished off the WOD with another 400 meter run.

Most people finished between 5 and 8 minutes.  It took me 15 minutes to complete it.  Derek asked if I wanted to modify the workout and cut it down a bit, but I said no.  I really wanted to say yes, but at the same time, I know I need to keep pushing myself way out of my comfort zone.   

By the time I'd finished most people had already stretched out and were leaving.  I was on the verge of a full fledged cry-a-thon three different times.  I've never pushed myself this hard.  These workouts are so incredibly painful and for some reason when I get to where I don't think I can do another lunge, I feel the need to cry.  I'd rather chew my own arm off than cry.  I avoid crying at all costs.  I'll bite the inside of my cheeks so the pain will distract me from crying.  For some reason crossfit brings out the tears in me.  How aggravating!

I suppose I should be happy that I completed the workout......and I guess I am......sorta.  Today I just feel like the outcast who can't keep up and it's disheartening.   Oh well.  Upward and onward.

As I was driving home I passed a grocery store that is about a mile from my house.  Each time I drive by it, the reader board catches my eye.  I tend to drive by each time it flashes it's sale on donuts.  Oh my goodness I love donuts.  It's weird for me to pass the grocery store while I dream of eating donuts all the while my body is throbbing with pain and agony from my workout.  I suppose each time I resist the temptation of quitting or eating several donuts, I should be glad that I'm changing my life and those burdensome chains don't hold me down anymore.

Tonight my crossfit is offering free babysitting from 6:30-8:30.  So hubby and I are going to have a couple hours to ourselves while the kids play. 

Have a wonderful Memorial Day weekend.♥